2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami Puns

Nobody came.

Tsunami had a silent tea.

Turns out it was the Earth's fault.

He heard about the earthquakes, and that there were likely more on the way, so he gave her a call.

But she didn't answer.

So, instead, He just left this message:

"Hey Sunshine, just calling to check on ya-- see what's shaking. Call me back, love you!"

(Don't feel bad, I groaned too 🤷‍♂️)

So I was picking up my girlfriend from class. (We live in South Florida so they alway have these vacuum trucks sucking out the debris in sewer drains to keep them clear when random tsunamis happen for 3.2 seconds at a time.) She looks at the truck and says "I would hate that job!" I responded with... "Yeah, it must suck." I think I laughed harder than she did but it made my day.

So I woke up my son by shaking his bed and calling it an earthquake. He did not get up. Then I got a cup of water and sprinkled some in him and said its a flood. Still did not get up. Then I blew in his face and called it a hurricane. Finally I threw his blanket off him and called it a tornado. That worked. He got up. Later I was explaining it to my wife and said he was woken up by some disasters. He chimed in. "More like Dad-sasters".

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Dad is on couch watching Tv, I peek my head in the room

Me: Whatcha watchin?

Dad: A show on Somalis' (the show showed a boat and some waves)

M:confused You mean like Somalians like the African people? Pretty intense stuff.

D: No no, Somalis, you know, they're huge! come in and wipe everything out.

M: Dad, you probably shouldn't say that about people. It isn't nice.

D: No, SOMALIS.

at this point I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about and so I decide to watch and figure it out for myself.

M: JESUS DAD YOU MEAN TSUNAMIS!!!

D: Yeah, Tsunamis!

M: Somalis are people from the country of Somalia. They are very poor and known for having a lot of pirates.

D: I bet they also have Somalis

M: Probably.

There was an earthquake in California this morning near to where I live. My dad called me to see if I was ok, and I told him I slept right through it. He gave me this in response:

"So you were shaken, but not stirred."

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

I wanted to make my Dad a chainsaw for Christmas, but I'm not sure if we have the saw and I don't want to ruin a perfectly good chain for it.

Can anyone think of another dad joke gift, like a quarter pounder with cheese?

EDIT: I did the quarter-pounder with cheese. I used little rubber bands, (The kind kids make bracelets from) popsicle sticks and a rolled-up piece of sturdy paper. If anybody wants to make it, let me know and I'll go into more detail.

Talking to a friend about possibly moving to California and earthquakes became a topic of conversation.

Her: Watch out for earthquakes though. No pressure.

Her: Sorry, I just get a little shaken up thinking about it.

Me: Don’t worry it’s not your fault

Then she didn't reply for a while.

Me: Did I crack you up? Are these puns resonating with you? Or are they just causing a rift in our friendship?

So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.

So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."

She almost threw me out of the car.