Americans, what are the 2 places in the house that you are no longer American?
In the bathroom, because then European, and in the hallway on the way to the bathroom because then you're Russian
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︎ Aug 09 2021
Check 1. 2. Check.
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︎ Aug 14 2021
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
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︎ Jun 17 2021
Apparently to start a zoo you need at least 2 pandas, a grizzly and 3 polars
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︎ Aug 13 2021
What's an animal with 2 letters?
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︎ Aug 16 2021
2:30 is the best timeβ¦
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︎ Aug 09 2021
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea...
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︎ Jul 20 2021
The Argyle Sweater for 8/2/21. Did I enjoy it? Neigh, I loved it.
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︎ Aug 02 2021
2 satellites got married
The wedding wasnβt great but the reception was amazing
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︎ Aug 02 2021
Tricky dive this one...The reverse flip, 2.5 somersault with a pike....
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︎ Aug 07 2021
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water
I was like well damn.
(Taken from r/TTT, but dadjokes doesn't allow posts from other subreddits)
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︎ Aug 13 2021
I went to the park and there were 2 Mexican guys playing basketball. I wanted to jump in, but.....
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︎ Jul 28 2021
I asked my dog what 2 minus 2 was?
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︎ Aug 05 2021
Pirate Captain: "What be the #2 in Roman numerals?"
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︎ Jul 12 2021
Interview questions for medieval monks. Question 1: Do you sing, by chants? Question 2: Do you suffer from cloister-phobia?
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︎ Jul 11 2021
The cops arrested 2 kids yesterday; one drank battery acid and the other ate fireworks
They charged one and let the other off
>!Source: got this from a stream highlight and I just had to share it XD!<
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︎ Aug 09 2021
Why did I have to wait 2 hours to play pool
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︎ Jul 16 2021
So 2 astronauts are in space and 1 asks
Isthereanywhereicangetabeerouthere and then the other replies with Notheresnospacebar
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︎ Jul 05 2021
Saw an airbed for sale yesterday listed at 2 prices, one for the airbed pre-blown up and the other with no air in. Unfortunately, they sold out of the the one with no air in so I had to fork out for the more expensive pre-blown one.
Stupid inflation, always driving up prices.
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︎ Jul 17 2021
Attempt #2
I miss minstrels. Those were the good ode days.
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︎ Jul 23 2021
You should always wear 2 pants while playing golf
Incase you get a hole in one
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︎ Jul 31 2021
Who can drink 2 litres of gasoline?
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︎ Jun 03 2021
I asked my fiend how long it would take me to learn Chinese. He said "2".
I asked "2 what?"
He said "too long"
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︎ Jul 26 2021
My 2.5 year old daughter says to me from the love seat: βHi Daddy, Iβm Anna.β
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︎ Aug 07 2021
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
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︎ Jun 08 2021
You know, over in Jamaica a slice of pizza will cost you $2.50!
But over in Barbados, it's only $1.50! But carful getting in from the Maldives, it's only $1.75, but people will try to take it right off your plate!
Anyways, those are just the pie rates of the Caribbean!:)
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︎ Jun 13 2021
2 antennas got married yesterday
The reception was fantastic
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︎ Jul 12 2021
2 blondes walked into a building
Surprised one of them didn't see it
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︎ Aug 01 2021
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Working as a police officer, I encountered 2 African warriors dancing on an old Ford.
I radioed my supervisor and said "Zulu Tango Sierra. You're not gonna believe this..."
(Credit: Milton)
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︎ Jul 23 2021
Went out for breakfast this morning, item #4 on the menu was "Toast and 2 eggs any style". The waitress asked me how I wanted my eggs...
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︎ Jul 23 2021
I walked by a lobster shack, the sign said $2.00 lobster tails. I paid the man 2 dollars
he begins; once upon a time there was this lobster.....
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︎ Jun 13 2021
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
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︎ Dec 15 2020
So I'm walking down stairs with my 2 year old son this morning when my wife calls from the kitchen...
"Hey, you boys Wahstarving?"
"umm... what?"
"Cause I've got WAHFULLS!"
(She was so proud, a decent dad joke from the mama panda)
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︎ May 28 2021
What did the Mexican say when the 2 houses fell on him?
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︎ Jul 16 2021
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︎ May 27 2021
So there we were, son. 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started out strong.
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︎ Jun 26 2021
2 things determine the infection rate during a pandemic: 1. How dense the population is.
- How dense the population is.
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︎ Jul 02 2021
Why did the 2 x 4 get sent to his room?
It was knotty! Hey YO!!!! (I really am sorryβ¦)
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︎ May 26 2021
How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people
just say i bet 20 dollars on the dude with a knife . both ran away ..
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︎ Jun 06 2021
Stopped by a roadside lobster stand that said 'lobster tails Β£2' I paid my Β£2 and the owner of the stand says...
Once upon a time there was this lobster.
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︎ Jun 07 2021
If a one L Lama is a holy man and a 2 L Llama is a beast of burden, what is a three L Llama?
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︎ May 07 2021
Someone asked me to list 2 structures that can hold water
I was like... well, damn.
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︎ Aug 13 2021
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
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︎ Jun 04 2021
What do you call 2 guys from Mexico playing basketball?
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︎ Jun 12 2021
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