** I apologize in advance if this post is too long. As I was writing it I realized it was therapeutic in a way to write it all out, so even if this thread goes no where thank you for being the public forum in which I share this with. **
So, a little back story.
I'm not too proud of it, but after being cheated on in a relationship I otherwise thought was very serious and committed, I turned to excessive physical intimacy as an escape and crutch to boost my self esteem. It was about a 2 and a half year period where I seriously slept with almost every close female friend I had. Then, I turned to Tinder and Instagram and was extremely active in my attempts to sleep with women.
I rationalized this behavior because I never lied to women or gave them the impression I wanted monogamy or commitment. I would use my "i was cheated on boo hoo" story as a fallback for not wanting commitment. It was only when a close friend of me asked me how many people I have slept with that I realized I had a serious problem. I had lost count and couldn't even begin to track it. I felt like I hit rock bottom when I slept with my ex who cheated on my purely to spite the relationship she hastily entered
Then, suddenly and unexpectedly I experienced a death in my immediate family and it was crushing. Life was turned upside down and nothing has ever been the same. My family and I are healing together but it was so sudden and violent it's hard to ever be normal again.
As a coping method, I sought more destructive seeking behavior offline and online, where any woman I saw that I thought was attractive I would chase as a sexual object with the intent to sleep with them. It got so out of control that, whenever I traveled out of the country for work, I would spend a significant period of time every night searching foreign dating apps, hook up tools, and any area where women frequented looking for a sexual partner. I think my work suffered because It was practically the only thing I put effort towards.
It feels cringe-as-hell typing this, but I am an attractive man with an athletic body. In the face of all of this anxiety in my life, this became more and more important to me and I REALLY became focused on highlighting the attractive parts of me because I felt like it was the only thing about me that had any value. I started modeling on the side with the sole intent of collecting a series of super hot, image crafty pictures to fill my social media.
I felt that, if my ex-girlfrien
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How pissed would you be?
Applied for recon after being denied to Ability to repay and economic injury sustained. We had a positive net income in 2019.
Applied on 10/29. Haven't heard since then (just the acceptance email for recon). Wondering if anyone is in similar situation?
Can pay leaguesafe immediately. Will pay and draft today.
Has anybody else noticed the recent surge of streamers with not so great records getting random larg(ish) donations and then pawning them off for subs??. For example Odablock just gets a elysian spirit shield and instantly says 120 subs and i'll give it away. He is esentially saying give me 600$ and then ill give away this item, should that not be considered rwt? No? Another way i see this is when streamers (mostly the pk streamers sitting around 200 viewers, vancouver2007, eliop14 to name a couple) will do giveaways but they allow people to reroll winners (which is probably twitch tos anyways) if they gift subs. So essentially they almost always profit irl money by "giving away" items.
Title sums it up. I've just woken up now at about 1:30 am naturally and I can't do this anymore. I know I'll be just fine for Thanksgiving, and maybe if I'm lucky the turkey will put me to sleep at a reasonable time, but more than likely it's going to make it very difficult to be ready for work on Friday. I feel like I plan my entire life around predicting when I'll be tired or not.
I've tried everything that's been recommended that I know of. Melatonin, adjusting the room so I get more sun in my bed, alarm with a light, gradual alarms, smoking weed as a teenager kinda helped with getting to sleep when I wasn't tired but didn't stop me from oversleeping. 'Toughing it out' had the opposite effect, I'll lay awake for hours and then wake myself 4-6 hrs into sleep to adhere to my schedule. That wasn't so bad, I can totally do 6 or so hrs of sleep and feel good, but laying in bed for hours on end is almost torture. All my girlfriends in the past have told me they think I'm very depressed. I might be, but I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg? Are the sleep problems the source or a symptom?
All the advice I find online is focused on people that can't stay asleep, which isn't my problem at all. Once I'm out, I'm out. It's getting to sleep that's the problem. This is something that's ruined almost every job I've ever had and makes school very difficult. What do I do?
https://www.costco.com/gerry-walk-around-sleeping-bag.product.100530003.html
https://preview.redd.it/f1chg0uzmua41.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=ea1add5b54186b50a7b3a5f2c62eb9561baf02d9
