(a,b) Tree Puns

...That's the problem with my predictive keyboard: it's too easily lead!

A pun that will appeal to chemists and scholars of Latin. A bit niche?

...and as they're cooking him, they decide on how they'll eat him. "I'll start at the head", says Cannibal A, "and you start on the feet." Cannibal B agrees.

They finish cooking the explorer and lay him on a tree stump as a makeshift table and begin to eat. After some time, Cannibal A says to Cannibal B without looking up from his meal, "How you doing down there?"

Cannibal B replies, "I'm havin' a ball!"

Cannibal A exclaims, "Slow down! You're eating too fast!"

Dr. Watson notices a tree with a sign in front of it reading "A." Behind it is a bush with a sign reading "B." Then another tree, but this time the sign says "CD." Then another bush, with "EF." Then a tree with "GH." Then a bush with "IJK." Behind that bush is a charred patch where there had been some kind of explosion. Dr. Watson turns to Sherlock Holmes and asks, "I wonder what used to be here."

Holmes replies, "LMN Tree, Dr. Watson."

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

I grow bonsai trees. Somewhere between 50-70 of them. My Dad was visiting the garden and asked how I watered them. I said I used two hoses, but one of them was Spanish. He asked "How can you tell?" I replied, "Well, there's Hose B and Hose A."