Here's a 50 y/o pun on a magnet
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/annoying_alien
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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A pail o' puns!

1. What is the most important drink in life?

Vitali-tea.

2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?

A wet blanket with a wet blanket.

3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.

A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.

4. What do you call introverted window blinds?

A shutter-in.

5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?

Dat doe dough 'dough.

6. What do you call a plant's religion?

Agri-culture.

7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?

A Charger's phone charger.

8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?

High noon.

That's all I got.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StickDemonic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
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8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"

Me, "I dunno, what?"

Her, "The fabric of space time!"

She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_architects_427
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Twitter meme s t o l e n from facebook
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oakvard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/redneckvet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 50
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1963Jan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 65
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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From my 13 y/o son

Heโ€™s trying to cut a panini sandwich and said โ€œThis knife is not gonna cut it.โ€œ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BigRiverMan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z

Happy No L!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/big_macaroons
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PlusAwe55
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

๐Ÿ‘︎ 325
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/02K30C1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

A pumpkin patch

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JDangerboy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/December_Soul
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back โ€œON!โ€ - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museumโ€™s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings theyโ€™ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words youโ€™ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bpcombs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What do you call an 'O' on fire?

Flamingo

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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11 year old named Kevin: I donโ€™t know who Catherine Oโ€™Hara is.

Me: KEVIN!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sarcasticpremed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Did you know that the Type O was actually meant to be Type Zero but....

It was misread to be Type O blood. I guess you could call it a typo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_joshi_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Recent father. Yesterday my wife told me we โ€œwould be having dinner at around 6:30, 7 oโ€™clockโ€

I told her I might be running late and asked if we could make it 6:38 instead?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hoopsrule44
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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When Shaquille Oโ€™Neal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80โ€™s song.

Love Shaq

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JiminyKirket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What do you call a 60 y.o terrorist?

A suicide boomer

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mutedbassman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Cardi O
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItsUrBoiNoobie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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5 y/o: โ€œhey dad, make some more jokes please

dad: โ€œwhy do i need to make more jokes? iโ€™ve already made you

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Johnny-why
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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This is not oc content it MAY be a re p o st
๐Ÿ‘︎ 78
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mileslikesmemeslol
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.

I told him they were the letters of recommendation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 162
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChargedMedal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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How do you mend a broken Jack o' Lantern?

With a pumpkin patch.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gaeboomering
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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O sh*t
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SnacksAttacked
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Teacher asked โ€œWhat is the formula of water?โ€ Student said โ€œH I J K L M N Oโ€ teacher said โ€œthatโ€™s not the formula of waterโ€

Student said โ€œyou said the formula was H to Oโ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 270
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sarcasticpremed
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2020
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My favorite author is S.O. Teric

Youโ€™ve probably never heard of him.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IceCoolBrutus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.

Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mr__Weasels
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Got to stud-dee to get my de-gree in my fave subject, Pun-o-graphy !
๐Ÿ‘︎ 65
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bornagain-stillborn
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My 5 y.o. son walked up to me with his under armour shirt on backwards so the words were on the back.

He said, โ€œI got back words!โ€ How did I not see that one coming?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zedhead0628
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?

Art class: Pencil Drawing 101

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mistermajik2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I'd rather have a full bottle in front o' me...

Than a full frontal labotomy

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ihaveam0ustache
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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My 10 y/o dad joke

He looks at me while heading to the fridge and says, "Hey mum I need ketchup to catch up on these hot dogs"

I laughed for several days and thought I would share it to make someone else smile.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quantum_Kay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Why is a Catholic Mass like The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral?

Pew! Pew! Pew!...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jon-A
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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"Let me get this straight, you want me to write a kids song about a dog with a funny "name-o"

"Bingo."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/asiers
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What begins with o and ends w/ s?

The answer is obvious.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ALizardKing
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the O say to the other o?

Ohio

๐Ÿ‘︎ 54
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rxTIMOxr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Itโ€™s o-fish-ial
๐Ÿ‘︎ 80
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/originalripley
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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That line O-O
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wrench_Scar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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What do you call "swiss cheese" w/o any holes?

Unholy cheese.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ALizardKing
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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O I C
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter

Pumpkin Pi

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/varunmohan02
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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How do you fix a broken jack-oโ€™-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MangoAway17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?

Because they're all not 'C's.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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What starts with โ€œoโ€ and ends with โ€œnionsโ€ and sometimes make you cry?

opinions

๐Ÿ‘︎ 116
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/leolannister
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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