A right winger, a left winger and Dad were taking a walk. "Life begins at conception!" say the right winger. "Life begins at birth!" says the left winger. Dad says "You are both wrong, life begins...."
"...when the kids move out and the dog dies."
Hi everyone, just letting you know that I’m going through a lot right now.
A guy has his annual check up at the doctor's. "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" asks the guy. "I doubt it." says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now." "I don't believe in that astrology nonsense, doc"
"Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
did you know that Mr Spock from Star Treck had 3 ears? A left ear,A right ear and......
Teacher, you wouldn't punish me for something I didn't do, right?
That's great, because I didn't do my homework!!
Whitney Houston went to the doctor. He said “so you’re having trouble with your coordination. Is that right ?”
She said “Yes. Hand eyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee e eyeeeeeeeeeee”.
How do you differentiate left and right sides on a pizza?
It's all right because nothing is left of the pizza!
Stupid joke I made up on a different sub! 😅
Y’all have heard of Murphy’s Law right? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But have you heard about Coles Law?
It’s a bunch of thinly sliced cabbage with a mayonnaise based dressing.
Why can't you find 10 uses for right-angled triangles?
Because right-angled triangles have hypotenuses.
Right before my colonoscopy, I asked my gastroenterologist “ why did you choose this specialty ?”
His answer : “There was an opening “
This fly flew right up to my face and told me she was thirsty. So you know what I did?
Did you here about the guy who only has a right side
He doesn't have much left
Did you hear that elephants are in fashion right now?
Yea they’re huge in Africa.
Son, do you know what grandpa told me right before he kicked the bucket?
I’m going to kick this bucket.
Two wrongs don't make you right...
Which note makes you feel right at home?
Me to my son, driving in the car: "you know I'm on crack, right?"
"I'm sitting on my butt crack ya know."
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
We were driving in the city, and my wife said, “ Hey, you missed a right.”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.”
If you want to be smart, go to Harvard and get 3 degrees. If you want to be right, go to a public University and get 90 degrees.
What do you call a person who had their right arm bitten off by a Lion?
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
What do you call the principles between right and wrong for particles?
You know what they say about guys with big feet, right?
They have a firm understanding.
"Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?"
Yoda replies: "off course we are"
My Grandpa used to say, “If it wasn’t for me, you’d all be speaking German right now.”
Lovely man… terribly bad foreign language teacher—no idea why the school hired him.
You remember the first rule of Bruno club, right?
We don't talk about Bruno.
You know, a hot summer day is like a right angle.
what do you call it when 2 cysts are right next to each other?
What happens if you sneeze right at someone?
They'll just sneeze right back ah-choo.
Did you hear of the medical student who overzealously showed excitement over an opportunity to partake in a non-paying beginning program assisting an internal medicine doctor through a website? That’s right, the student showed intense internist interning interest over the internet
You know what propaganda is, right?
A British person taking a good look at something.
Are you all right?
Because personally, I consider myself a healthy balance between left and right
Oh you must mean Covid, right?
The right hair style will get you lots of action.
It's quite the afro disiac.
You ever have one of those arguments with your wife and when you look it up you were right the while time?
I can’t give you attention right now
Would you settle for a five chin?
Why you booing me I'm right
I just said this to my two year old. If you put your left and right shoes on correctly…
Did you guys hear about the competing podiatrists who opened offices right next to each other?
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.
I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.
That's history right there you understand
[Driving] My wife: Hey, you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.
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