True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"
A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
I yelled into a colander...
...and now my voice is strained.
I yelled “COW” at a woman on a bike.
She flipped me off then hit the cow.
What do you yell at a Chinese board game tournament?
My senile old father came out into the yard, as my kid was feeding the squirrels and started yelling, "Shooo! Shooo!" At them.
I just didn't have the heart to tell him they were squirrels; not shoes. As long as he doesn't try to put them on again. That got messy.
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,
10 yr old daughter playing video games yells, “GIRL!”
Dad response, “You know it’s true...”
Daughter laughs (she actually likes my Dad jokes... heh) 🙂
What did Geronimo yell when he went skydiving?
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out ‘can’t’, ‘won’t’, ‘shouldn’t’, ‘couldn’t’.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
Why did the cow yell at the car?
Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!
What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?
What did Jack yell when he angrily chopped down his favorite tree in The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. “Ouch!” I yelled
“YOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief.
“ME-ow”
My wife keeps yelling at me for only eating German sausages
I mean, what is the wurst that can happen?
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man
He ended up coming to his senses
My dad attacked me with a vacuum cleaner today, yelling.....
If Dan could yell very loud
What did the janitor yell as he jumped out of the closet?
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying “don’t go in there you idiot”
She was watching our wedding video again.
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?
What is orange and yells ‘I’m an orange, I’m an orange!’?
A tangerine with a superiority complex.
My German teacher yelled at me "die!"
I should really study those articles
While swimming around, a fish hits its head on a wall and then yells out...
My wife got mad at me when I opened the window and yelled "Nice rack!"....
... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked ...
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
I replied " No ..."
She responded: "How about now?"
A nagging wife yelling at her husband "I would rather married Satan than marrying you"
Husband, "legally a brother and sister can't get married"
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, “Repent! The End is nigh!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells “it’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
"Spider!" yelled my wife from upstairs "bring up the newspaper".
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.
I take it with a pinch of sugar.
Why beekeeper yelled at his son?
Because he didn't beehive properly.
I started taking our taco ingredients to make nachos on my plate when my kids started yelling "BUT IT'S TACO TUESDAY!"
To which I replied "This is nacho average Taco Tuesday"
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?
Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"
What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into a tree?
Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.
My wife yelled, “You got a vasectomy without telling anyone! Are you kidding me?”
I yelled at the kids through the colander today,
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV
'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The janitor jumped out of the closet and yelled
The wife yelled from upstairs
Hunny, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it?
I said no.
She said How about now?
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