...and now my voice is strained.
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
You cow herds!
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!
Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton
Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.
I know she means well.
He ended up coming to his senses
I mean, what is the wurst that can happen?
“YOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief. “ME-ow”
Dyson, Dyson.
Supplies!
She was filing suits.
She was watching our wedding video again.
I replied, now you know how I feel.
A tangerine with a superiority complex.
I should really study those articles
"Dam!!!"
... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!
Donald, duck!
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
I replied " No ..."
She responded: "How about now?"
Husband, "legally a brother and sister can't get married"
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
Because he didn't beehive properly.
"Don’t wok away from me!"
Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"
To which I replied "This is nacho average Taco Tuesday"
I take it with a pinch of sugar.
He wanted his quarter back.
POETRY!
Me: Technically, no.
Hurry, Cain!!
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
And i just kept laughing because i knew that shark wasn’t going to help
Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "¡Eso sí que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
It strained my voice
'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
Supplies!
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Hunny, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it? I said no. She said How about now?
