It's been very busy at work and everyone is stress eating. A lot of us are snacking on Doritos and I know exactly why

It's cruch time.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sad-Crow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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My friend works in an illegal alcohol smuggling group and lately heโ€™s been very stressed out and scared for his life.

It is sad because since the beginning I was telling him this business is just too whisky.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Matinho1706
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2022
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Republicans and Democrats are working together to decriminalize smoking marijuana to relieve stress.

Thereโ€™s joint support for joint support.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2022
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I heard it's stressful working in the circus.

The job is in tents.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notsoasiandad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
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After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!

Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(


[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zipflop
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My wife came home from work stressed out from her day. I asked her how I could help, she asked me to draw her a bath.

I showed her the drawing I made, she replied โ€œthat wasnโ€™t really what I had pictured...โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I've been stressed out recently with too much work.

So I went to a restaurant to treat myself. When I got my food i was too uptight to finish it.

I guess I have too much on my plate.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bobbert84
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?"

She smiled and said "No"

I said "One day, One day"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/danspud69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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My wife was having a stressful day at work and just sent me a text "I'm losing my mind!"

I texted back "it's all in your head".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TimothyLux
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What do Bees do after they get married?

They go on a honeymoon...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BillyBob_TX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2022
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It's very stressful working with dermatologists.

They're always making rash decisions.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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It's so stressful at work.

Co-worker of mine has a tent that he carries around. We recently moved spaces and my boss asked how it was going.

I said, "Not too stressful. John only has the one," as I point to his tent on the corner.

Boss looks at it, "Does it take up too much room?"

"No," I replied, " but if he brought in another one it would be two tents.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elyas_machera
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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A worrying LOTR addiction

Lately I've been watching a lot of Lord of the Rings. It started with watching the original versions after work to de-stress. Then I moved on to sneaking the Extended Editions. Recently, I started secretly hoarding the Director's cut versions. I think I may have a problem.

It's becoming hobbitual

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/awgeezwhatnow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
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Why are portholes round?

So the water doesn't hit you sqaure in the face.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/philbertagain
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics โ€“ the only department of linguistics where itโ€™s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kieuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My girlfriend and I went to a hookah bar.

My girlfriend has been putting a lot of work into her current masters program and is under a lot of stress.

We decided it would be a good idea to get out of the house but weren't sure where we would go.

The inner dad inside me pulled out this line, "Why don't we go to the new hookah bar to blow off some steam."

I was very proud and decided to share with you folks. I will now continue to reiterate this story to everyone I see today.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FadderBeef
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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Dad hit my family with this one at dinner

Dad sits down down at the table with his plate full of food and starts acting all flustered and stressed out. He lets out a sigh and makes note of how stressed he is with all his work that has to be done. He then smiles, looks at his plate full of chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes then says "there's just so much on my plate right now".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kewladria
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
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Got my mom with this one today

Sitting waiting to pick up my sister from work and she was saying how my dad is not helping with her stress levels specially now that shed been diagnosed with heart issues. I said to her " maybe you should stop taking it to heart so much" completely unaware of it till she gave me a disapproving look

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dragoslayr7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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