I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when it’s robbed?
What are your resolution going to be for the new year?
Still on 1080p? or upgraded to 4k already?
What are a kidnappers favourite type of shoes?
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...
What type of music are you into?
What genre are national anthems?
There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with? - what do they do?
Threy throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Question: What are doldrums?
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
What do you drink if you are only a little thirsty in Minneapolis?
Are we going to talk about this oar what?
What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time?
What are Aquaman's assistants?
What do you say if you are eating whilst doing yoga?
What do you say when you are going to drunk dial someone?
What kind of clothes are made with Australian goose feathers?
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The other days are week days.
If you are Russian when headed to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom?
Cop: whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
What do you do when balloons are hurt?
2 windmills are in a field. One asks: "What kind of music do you like?"
The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".
4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for
The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder
The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault
The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs
The Fourth man simply says: Arson
The Second man asks him: What degree was it?
The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish
What are the chances of seeing a skinny man next to a catholic woman?
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.
What do you do when your eyes are dry?
What are the chances of meeting Eminem?
What do you call it when people are hating on Valorant as a game?
What do you do if you are addicted to seaweed?
What are you if you take care of a chicken?
What are Mario's overalls made out of?
What are the relatives of the Invisible Man?
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?
What Happens If You Are Sitting on the Toilet at 11:59 and the Clock Strikes Midnight?
Same shit, different day.
What do you do when your ears are ringing?
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
What genre are national anthems?
The first day of flying class, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “Wow! What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
