Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
I personally want to see Radigascar
π︎ 387
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
π︎ 268
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 173
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
π︎ 146
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Why did Bilbo Baggins not want to give up the ring?
It was a force of hobbit.
π︎ 108
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I want to bake all my bread from now on.
You can say is a loaf-ty goal.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I want it that waaay..
π︎ 945
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...
Iβm not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
π︎ 138
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
When I die, I want to be cremated.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...
I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt Iβd share it with reddit.
My kid came up to me and says βoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaidβ as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.
I looked at my kid and said βI donβt think it needs a bandaid, he looks like heβs going to bounce backβ
π︎ 150
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
You want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
I told me my doctor I didnβt want her to give me stitches.
She said βfine, suture self.β
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Want to hear a pun about ghosts?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Want to hear a chimney joke?
I Got stacks of em! First one's on the house
π︎ 30
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
That is a bike I want!!
π︎ 60
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Tattoo place wants you to Walken (OC)
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
I want to open a Chinese food buffet
It will be called "All You Can Eat and Dim Sum"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Obi-Wan didn't want to eat his vegetables
So, Qui-Gonn had to force him...
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
My wife wants to go vegan
I feel like my marriage is at steak
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.
But oops, I did it again.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
Say what you want about dad jokes...
...but they're all relatively funny
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke
Joke
Joke
Joooooooooooooooooooke
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Want to hear my joke about construction?
Never mind, Iβm still working on it
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
Why donβt you want to fight Santa?
Because he has a βblack beltβ
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Why did the hippo want weed for Christmas?
He was a hippo pot a must.
This is so dumb...I apologize now to all of you ha ha ha.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
All he wants is a drink
π︎ 77
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?
Me: no. But Iβll wrestle you for them!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Old Farmer: If you want your crops to grow, you must remember to fertilize your land properly.
New guy: That sounds like bullshit.
Farmer: Yes, exactly.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then Iβd have to krill you.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
i want to be a bartender
guys named bart, you better watch out
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
What puns can I tell when I want to tell my friends I got a boyfriend?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
Bert and Ernie are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Bert says "Hey Ernie...want some ice cream??"
π︎ 104
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
What do we want? Low flying airplane noises
When do we want them? Nyoow
π︎ 71
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
Why didn't the Zombie want to go to school?
He was feeling a little rotten
Courtesy of my 6 year old
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Why did the cow want to be an attorney?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
What does a pirate do when he wants to sell all his stuff?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
My friend want me to join him in hoarding
He says they have everything
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
My daughter can't decide if she wants to be a neurologist or a proctologist.
I told her to flip a coin... heads or tails.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
My friend Jay recently had twins, and want to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
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