Dad to his son; โDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?โ
Son; โGo on, then.โ
Dad growls; โNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!โ
Son; โThatโs Superman.โ
Dad; โThanks, Iโve been practicing a lot.โ
๐︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 23 2020
I personally want to see Radigascar
๐︎ 387
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︎ Dec 07 2020
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
๐︎ 27k
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
๐︎ 268
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
๐︎ 173
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
๐︎ 146
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, โDo you want to hear todayโs special?โ
I said, โYes please.โ
Waiter: โNo problem sir. Today is special.โ
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
๐︎ 17k
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︎ Sep 13 2020
A man went to the doctorโs and told him, โI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.โ
He said, โWow, thatโs the worst case of parking sonโs disease Iโve ever seen.โ
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Why did Bilbo Baggins not want to give up the ring?
It was a force of hobbit.
๐︎ 108
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I want to bake all my bread from now on.
You can say is a loaf-ty goal.
๐︎ 10
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︎ Dec 18 2020
I want it that waaay..
๐︎ 945
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...
Iโm not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
๐︎ 138
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︎ Nov 30 2020
When I die, I want to be cremated.
๐︎ 50
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...
I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt Iโd share it with reddit.
My kid came up to me and says โoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaidโ as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.
I looked at my kid and said โI donโt think it needs a bandaid, he looks like heโs going to bounce backโ
๐︎ 150
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︎ Nov 20 2020
You want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
๐︎ 49
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︎ Dec 12 2020
I told me my doctor I didnโt want her to give me stitches.
She said โfine, suture self.โ
๐︎ 12
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Want to hear a pun about ghosts?
๐︎ 4
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Want to hear a chimney joke?
I Got stacks of em! First one's on the house
๐︎ 30
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︎ Dec 07 2020
That is a bike I want!!
๐︎ 60
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Tattoo place wants you to Walken (OC)
๐︎ 26
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I want to open a Chinese food buffet
It will be called "All You Can Eat and Dim Sum"
๐︎ 11
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Obi-Wan didn't want to eat his vegetables
So, Qui-Gonn had to force him...
๐︎ 27
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
๐︎ 17
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My wife wants to go vegan
I feel like my marriage is at steak
๐︎ 18
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.
But oops, I did it again.
๐︎ 17
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Say what you want about dad jokes...
...but they're all relatively funny
๐︎ 10
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke
Joke
Joke
Joooooooooooooooooooke
๐︎ 15
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Want to hear my joke about construction?
Never mind, Iโm still working on it
๐︎ 11
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why donโt you want to fight Santa?
Because he has a โblack beltโ
๐︎ 10
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Why did the hippo want weed for Christmas?
He was a hippo pot a must.
This is so dumb...I apologize now to all of you ha ha ha.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
All he wants is a drink
๐︎ 77
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?
Me: no. But Iโll wrestle you for them!
๐︎ 4
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Old Farmer: If you want your crops to grow, you must remember to fertilize your land properly.
New guy: That sounds like bullshit.
Farmer: Yes, exactly.
๐︎ 4
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︎ Dec 17 2020
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then Iโd have to krill you.
๐︎ 10
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︎ Nov 25 2020
i want to be a bartender
guys named bart, you better watch out
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What puns can I tell when I want to tell my friends I got a boyfriend?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Bert and Ernie are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Bert says "Hey Ernie...want some ice cream??"
๐︎ 104
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︎ Oct 09 2020
What do we want? Low flying airplane noises
When do we want them? Nyoow
๐︎ 71
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Why didn't the Zombie want to go to school?
He was feeling a little rotten
Courtesy of my 6 year old
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Why did the cow want to be an attorney?
๐︎ 18
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What does a pirate do when he wants to sell all his stuff?
๐︎ 6
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My friend want me to join him in hoarding
He says they have everything
๐︎ 7
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?
๐︎ 26
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My daughter can't decide if she wants to be a neurologist or a proctologist.
I told her to flip a coin... heads or tails.
๐︎ 46
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︎ Nov 08 2020
My friend Jay recently had twins, and want to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
๐︎ 12
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
๐︎ 18k
๐
︎ Jun 22 2020
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Dec 07 2020
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