I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.

The shop owner told me to take a hike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Walking through the store with my wife and 3yo daughter.

My daughter keep reaching for her ankle and saying "ouchy"

Wife: "daughter" do you have something in your boot?

Daughter: "yes mommy, my foot"

Lady next to us heard it all, smiled and laughed while walking away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enis_with_a_p
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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dad songs

So I just sang my wife the chorus from boots are made for walking but I changed it a little. It goes like this: β™ͺThose hips are made for birthin', and that's just what they'll do. One of these days next week they'll push a baby out of you!β™ͺ

She wasn't very excited. Talk about a tough critic...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuckereh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Got my boyfriend with this subtle one

Walking down the street and we see a sneaker by the sidewalk. A little while later we see a boot. I say, "Man, people are losing their shoes left and right around here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-like-robots
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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Dad Joke at Spartan Race

My brother and I were at a Spartan race this morning. After the race, we went to the festival area to check out the booths. One of them was a boot camp advertising with a 60 second challenge to win bragging rights. We weren't interested so we kept walking, but they hollered at us.

Girl 1: C'mon, it's only 60 seconds!

Girl 2: What's 60 seconds anyway?

Me: It's one minute!

They left us alone after that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksweetz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Have I failed as a father?

I have a teenaged son who just simply doesn't get dad jokes. At all. Today he was in his bedroom with his door mostly closed, but open just a crack, and he was playing some game on his computer and Skyping with a friend. He gave me a great opportunity as I walked by his door so I lobbed an easy one at him.

Him (excitedly yelling) : "I have silent boots on!"

Me: "Sounds to me like you're wearing loud boots"

Him: "No. They're silent"

*sigh*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpleMonkeyFeet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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I couldn't find my boots this morning.

Me- "Are you wearing my boots?"

Dad- "Yeah, sorry. I couldn't find mine this morning."

Me- "It's alright, please don't break them."

Dad- "I'm walking all over them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iCespedes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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I heard this gem at Arches National Park.

A boy is resting on the trail back to camp as his dad waits for him and as I am walking by this happens...

Dad: "So when we get back to camp remind me to spray bug spray around your boots."

Son: "Why?"

Dad: "So that the ants wont climb up your pants and bite your candy ass."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/munkadelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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Finally achieved greatness.

I was shaving off layers of my work boots' heels since they were worn in on one side, causing pain when walking.

After I finished I showed my wife the bits of rubber, "My Boots are heeled"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalRaen
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Dad got me while hunting, got him back while at the only store in the town.

My dad and I went hunting with some friends in south texas for opening teal season. As I am putting my waders on, he tell me to remember to tie my boots as tight as I can, "or else they'll fall off in the mud, and that would suck, literally". He couldn't have been more proud of himself.

Later he holds the door as I walk out of the small convince store in the town, and I naturally say "thanks". He replies with "you bet," and I told him "really? Because I'm not much of a gambler..." And he just frowned at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vulkkid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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Just pulled a reverse dadjoke.

My dad and I went to pick some burgers up at the butcher shop, and there were flowers outside that were placed inside of boots, like this. I said, "That guy must have had a pretty severe case of plantar fasciitis.". He just smiled and walked into the store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inferno845
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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How did these boots get up here?

They walked.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Wife had to suffer through this one today. Boots are still upstairs by my desk. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/polarc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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