My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.

I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
When I die Iβ€˜m expecting lots of crying, lots of wailing, genuine sadness.

Bereave you me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, whale, wale, wail, whail, Weil
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gurdel
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My 2 year old daughter was having a tantrum. I yelled "I'll give you something to cry about!". She wailed louder.

So I handed her a knife and an onion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the saddest animal?

A Wail

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/la_anon1mo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did they call Greenpeace when the shepherd died ?

Greenpeace can stop Wailing Sheeps (Whaling Ships)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the β€œbrilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.

To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.

On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.

β€œDaaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.

Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said β€œWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkHonnor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a rather old gentleman sitting on the sidewalk crying. I asked what was the matter.

β€œI’m married to an incredible woman 40 years my junior who likes to make love three times a day. She is the best homemaker and conversationalist and she is independently wealthy. We have the greatest life”.

β€œThat sounds wonderful” I said β€œWhy are you crying?”

β€œI can’t remember where we live!” he wailed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Writing a book

A man is writing a book, and wants his friend's opinion on it.

The man begins to read aloud "it was the time of the year when storms can take hold of a house within seconds. A small family is preparing their house, when a wail is heard in the distance.

'Father,' began the child 'will we survive the storms?'

'Only time will tell' said the worried father.

Suddenly, a massive wind picks up and nearly blows the house down. The family barely survives".

The man asks "what do you think so far?"

The friend replies "i think you went into the action too quickly. I hardly have a vested interest. I think it needs work"

The man simply says "but it's only the first draft."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
🚨︎ report
The "Philogelos" is a collection of ancient Roman dad jokes

"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:

  • A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"

  • When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.

  • A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

  • A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"

  • A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."

  • A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

  • A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"

  • A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'

  • An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."

  • A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

  • A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"

You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AttalusPius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Our 1 year old got super upset when he realized his cup was strawless and we didn't have any straws left.

Watching him wail and flail, my husband said, "I guess that was the last straw, huh buddy?"

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supcaci
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my wife last night

Our baby was screaming his little head off. After getting him a bottle and a new diaper:

Wife: "Wailing child is the worst"

Me: "Yeah, and cleaning up the whale parts isn't any fun either."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuswig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.