It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I used to be addicted to soap...
When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark
Now when I get my electric bill I'm afraid of the light.
I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
Good thing I turned myself around.
I used to be a hangman
I would hang the thieves that were caught stealing. One day I got fired, It's because I didn't get the execution right.
(badum tss)
That girl with only fans used to be really hot
Until she got an air conditioner.
My coffee table used to be owned by Evander Hoyfield ...
I can tell because it's missing a little piece of veneer.
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."
"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."
Saturday and Sunday used to be such strong days…
But then they were weekend.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
I used to be a trampoline salesman
It had its ups and downs.
I used to be in a band called 'Missing cat'
You probably saw our posters
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?
Her: "I have a confession...I used to be Christian. "
Me: " That doesn't bother me. "
Her: "Thats great... Because I'd much rather be known as Christine now."
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
I used to be clairvoyant
But I didn’t see a future in it.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
I’m slowly getting over it
I used to be afraid of cows.
There used to be a cat on Mars...
But then... Curiousity killed the cat.
When I first started learning how to drive, I used to be afraid of speed bumps.
But slowly, I got over it.
I used to be addicted to soap
I’m totally clean now, though!
What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?
Fishing used to be a solo pursuit...
These days it involves a lot of networking
During dinner, I turned to my wife and said, “I used to be grapes.”
She said, “Huh?”
Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.
are there any Sheep Puns that could be used to name a Sheep?
Names such as:
Baa-bara
Wool Smith
EWE-NICE
Brittney Shears
John Sebastian Baach
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
I used to be really bad at geometry.
But thankfully I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees
I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"
I used to be a man stuck inside a womans body....
Hell used to be an island
I used to be a Flat Earther.
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Which tree wishes things were more like they used to be?
My dad sat me down and told me that he used to be a woman.
I thanked him for being so transparent.
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer...
Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'
I used to be a magician, but there was an explosion in my equipment
My audience was blown away
I used to be a flat earther. I even set out to sail across the ocean to find the big ice wall.
But eventually I came around.
Did you know the big dipper used to be part of the zodiac?
It was too confusing though. Everyone was like, "what's ursine?"
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
What used to be a nazi dictator ship other than germany?
I used to be addicted to soap.
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to be a soap addict
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