It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
Good thing I turned myself around.
I used to be a trampoline salesman
It had its ups and downs.
I used to be in a band called 'Missing cat'
You probably saw our posters
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
I used to be clairvoyant
But I didn’t see a future in it.
Her: "I have a confession...I used to be Christian. "
Me: " That doesn't bother me. "
Her: "Thats great... Because I'd much rather be known as Christine now."
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
I’m slowly getting over it
I used to be afraid of cows.
There used to be a cat on Mars...
But then... Curiousity killed the cat.
I used to be addicted to soap
I’m totally clean now, though!
When I first started learning how to drive, I used to be afraid of speed bumps.
But slowly, I got over it.
What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?
Fishing used to be a solo pursuit...
These days it involves a lot of networking
During dinner, I turned to my wife and said, “I used to be grapes.”
She said, “Huh?”
Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.
are there any Sheep Puns that could be used to name a Sheep?
Names such as:
Baa-bara
Wool Smith
EWE-NICE
Brittney Shears
John Sebastian Baach
Hell used to be an island
I used to be a man stuck inside a womans body....
I used to be a Flat Earther.
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
I used to be really bad at geometry.
But thankfully I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees
Which tree wishes things were more like they used to be?
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I used to be a magician, but there was an explosion in my equipment
My audience was blown away
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer...
Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'
I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"
My dad sat me down and told me that he used to be a woman.
I thanked him for being so transparent.
I used to be a flat earther. I even set out to sail across the ocean to find the big ice wall.
But eventually I came around.
Did you know the big dipper used to be part of the zodiac?
It was too confusing though. Everyone was like, "what's ursine?"
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
What used to be a nazi dictator ship other than germany?
I used to be a DJ at Stonehenge
But I no longer mix in that circle.
I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers...
I had to quit cold turkey.
I used to be a people's person..
...but people ruined it for me.
It used to be taboo to talk about plastic surgery.
Now if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher.
No idea why the school hired him.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to be a soap addict
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey
I used to be addicted to soap
Air used to be free and now it’s 1.75 you know why?
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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