Unemployable Puns

If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

but they dont work

They can get a job in any field.

....they don’t work.

But they never work

Nevermind, i dont think its going to work

My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):

I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍

Unfortunately, none of them work.

...but none of them work...

Bob

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."

Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.

Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."

Sadly, they never work.

I'd tell you one but none of them work

The only thing is none of them work

but I couldn’t find one that worked.

They just want to like, dye.

(OC)

I’ve got nothing to hide

Ath-l33t.

At least I have a porpoise.

but none of them worked...

...For unemployment.

They have done a few takes, but none worked

Ehh, nevermind. Doesn't work.

They are not making any scents 👃🏼

If you lose your job you still have to come in.

Me to friend: "Hey is your washing machine working?"

Friend: "Yeah"

Me: "Darn, this economy is so unfair that your washing machine can work but I can't"

Friend: groan

Aerosmith

but it needs some work

But typically, none of them work.

but unfortunately none of them work.

but none of them work

But none of them work.

But none of them work

but none of them work.

But none of them work.

but none of them work

But none of them seem to work

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

But none of them work

They just don't work.

But none of them work!!

None of them work

... but I couldn't think of a way to make it work

But none of them work.

I’ve got nothing to hide.

but none of them seem to work.

But none of them work