Train Train Puns

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

By choo choo choo-ing, of course!

(Courtesy of my daughter)

It left its tracks.

Because they always remember to choo

He had Loco Motives.

And at my desk I have a workstation....

Bone Voyage

Choo choo terrain.

Depends on how much he’s eaten.

It had problems choo-chewing.

Ah, they take me back.

A choo-choohuahua

A chew-chew train.

I'm training for this ahead of time.

Edit #1: Thank you reddit. I think you ensured I will be getting divorced. Don't let up, it's full steam ahead.

Edit #2: My wife hates train puns. I sent her screen shots. She's on to my loco-motives.

Edit #3: I'm speechless. Largely because it's like 6am and I want to stay quiet to not wake up my wife, she's out coal'd, snoring like a freight train. I feel like you all really railed it with these jokes. I hope that she doesn't chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga choose choose to divorce me. I couldn't wait until the train ride. I told my wife some of the jokes. I working on a YouTube compilation of them from last night. I feel like she conducted herself quite well.

Edit #4: [These jokes were off the rails. Here is the YouTube link of my wife's reaction so far.] (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Edit #5: I'm about to start training.

Because it made the Dagobah faster.

He went off the rails.

But he can only press paws.

To get his life back on track.

Semi-conductor

Chew cheww train 🚂

They have loco motives.

Apparently, they had a loco motive.

A Chew Chew Train.

Maybe, but you have to be careful. If you're caught trying to gather crows to train, you could be charged with attempted murder.

Edit: A group of crows is called a murder

…I just want to tell that he is all right now

Subway

When it happened he was chuffed to bits.

It derailed my whole trip.

Because No L...No L...

I don't know, but I'm sure it was a local motive.

And there he comes to the old woman:

— Your ticket.

"Sweethart, I’m sorry, I must have lost it!” the old woman replies, rummaging through her bag. The man grabs the old woman and throws her out the window. She falls and is crushed to death. At the trial, the man is sentenced to death in the electric chair.

— Your last wish.

— You know, I really want to eat a banana.

A man eats a banana brought to him. The leader of the execution turns on the current - the man does not die. The switch is pulled a second time, the third - no effect. According to the law, the defendant must be released. After some time, the man again gets a job as a train conductor. Checks tickets, and then a young girl approaches:

— Your ticket.

— You know, I'm leaving on the next stop ...

A man grabs a girl and throws her out of the train, the girl falls and dies.

Again the court, the death sentence. Before the execution, the electric chair is checked several times - it works fine. They put the man down.

— Your last wish.

— You know, I really want to eat a banana.

A man eats a banana brought to him.

The leader of the execution turns on the electricity - the man does not die. Turns it on again and it doesn't work. Once again, it's all to no use. The man is getting released once again. One of the guards comes up to the him and quietly asks:

“Look, I won’t tell anyone, but I’m still very interested. Tell me why, after eating a banana, you are not afraid of the electric chair?"

— I have loved bananas since childhood. Why I am not dying? I don't know.

Maybe I'm just a bad conductor?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

He gets stuck on platform Nein und 3/4

He replied, "I dunno. It's hard to keep track."

My brother is creating a funny custom sweater for my boyfriend’s DJ name(DJ Grind Train). He wants to create a tag line under the DJ name but wants it’s to be a dirty pun. Like… “get ready to get railed”. C’mon team, I know you can create a better dirty pun than mine!

Thanks!!

It’s left it’s tracks behind

By its tracks

They have loco motives.

It chew-chews

He must have loco motives.