When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins
I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
It must be really easy being a train engineer
All you have to do is stay on track
Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?
He was good a covering his tracks
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
What was Ozzy Osborne’s inspiration for writing the song Crazy Train?
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"
So I say, "It's been training"
Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?
Because they have two left feet
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
What did the ghost say to the train conductor?
caBOOse
-my 6 year old niece
Why couldn’t the young, electric train keep up with the old trains?
Because he ran out of steam
I lost my train of thought
What do you call a train made out of chewing gum?
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
I hate train puns.
They eventually run off the rails.
Why are trains the best form of transportation?
Because they have a proven track record
What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
One minds the train while the other trains the mind.
How to train people to wear a mask
The Czech republic is introducing a train ticketing system so you can pay with bitcoin...
...it uses blocktrain Czechnology.
How do you train your kids to stop wetting the bed ?
Make them use an electric blanket.
Why could no one understand the trains reasoning.
How do you find a lost train?
How do you eat when you're on a train?
Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?
A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?
B: No, what was the trip for?
A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.
(original)
What do you call someone who works part time on a train?
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas?
Daddy: I don’t know, mate.
Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?
Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.
What did the supervillain say when he got off at the last train station?
It's the end of the line for me!
What time does the train pull into the station?
Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer ?
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
What do you call someone who clones trains?
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...
They say there's a cryptid by the train station that drinks American whiskey late at night
But I'm sure that's just a bourbon legend.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
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