Where do toy stores keep their Terminator action figures?

Aisle B, back

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I told my friend I was going to rob a toy store for some board games

He said I could go to jail for it. I said it was a Risk worth taking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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My daughter came home from the toy store with a spherical Pixar fish toy. She asked me if I thought it was cute.

Cute? It’s a Dory ball!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shibarak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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I didn’t realize my dad used to steal board-games from the toy store.

But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?

He had the right to bear arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Thieves broke into a Toy store and stole all their board-games.

Police are currently looking for Clues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I was looking for rubber snakes in Dad's Toy Store.

I found them in the rept-aisle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Why don’t they sell zebras in toy stores?

They can’t find the barcode

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IvanDimitriov
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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My Dad did this while walking through the toy section in a store.

He was walking behind me through the store and I noticed that he wasn't replying in conversation so I turned around and he wasn't there. I went to look for him and as I'm walking down an aisle and all of a sudden he comes around the corner at the end of the aisle with a Darth Vader helmet (no voice changer but he made it work) and he says "I am your father!" I could not stop laughing, happy birthday Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbnormalDream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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What do you call a toy store that can't stop laughing?

LMFAO Schwartz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mizzmatt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
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Classic dad joke

I work in the toys department at a local store, and everything has recently been marked down to clearance prices due to new items coming in within the next few weeks.

Cue a dad and his six year old daughter. The little girl has a little bit of a southern drawl. The dad says to pick out something on clearance, and she can maybe get it. So little girl proceeds to pick up everything on clearance and announce "This is clearance!" Over and over and over again.

Finally, little girl picks up a Barbie doll and, once again, announces "this is clearance!" Well, to me and the dad, it sounds like she is saying Clarence. So the dad snaps into full on dad joke: "hi Clarence, I'm dad." I laughed out loud and the dad started cracking up too, the daughter confused at the joke.

TL;DR, Southern drawl six year old clearance shopping, making clearance sound like Clarence, dad snaps, "hi Clarence, I'm dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobsbestgame
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
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A love story

There was a little boy who absolutely loved tractors, so for his 3rd birthday, his father bought him a little toy one. The boy thought this was the best toy he had ever gotten, and ignored all his other gifts to focus on the tractor, pushing it around the lounge whenever he got the chance, making tractor noises etc.

As the boy grows a little bit older, he comes to his 10th birthday, when his dad says "Alright son, you're a little older now, so here you go" before giving him a push-along ride-on tractor for their backyard. The boy thinks this is even better than his now quite old toy tractor, and is taking days off school and everything just to ride around the house and neighbourhood on his push-along tractor.

He gets a little older again, and lo and behold, it's now his 18th birthday. His dad comes up to him during the party and says "Ok son, you're a man now, so here you go" before unveiling a fully functional tractor for his son. "Wow, thanks Dad, this is amazing!" says the son, before taking it for a quick test drive. The tractor becomes his main transport, as he goes to the grocery store and just generally cruises in his brand new tractor.

He decides to take the tractor on it's first proper outing, and goes into the middle of nowhere, with no cell service or house to be seen for miles, and the tractor of course breaks down. It takes him a while to get in touch with AAA and his Dad to come and help him out, so he decides after that experience that maybe it would be a better idea to invest in a car than a tractor after all.

Lo and behold, a few years later, the now adult son is driving down the same road in his new car, although there's now a house there that is engulfed in flames! A lady comes out, screaming "Help! Help! Call 911, my baby is trapped inside!" The man simply stops and says "It's ok, mam, I've got this." He takes in a massive gulp of air, and the entire fire just disappears! The lady says "Wow, that's amazing! How did you do that?!" before the man responds with "Well, you see mam, I'm an ex tractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatchyJosh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Some of the best from my family

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

  • Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
  • Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
  • Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

  • Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
  • Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
  • Mom: Shut up.
  • Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

  • Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
  • Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

  • Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
  • Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

  • Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
  • Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
  • ...
  • Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

  • Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

  • Me: What did she want?
  • Dad: You want the long or the short version?
  • Me: Short.
  • Dad: Nothing.
  • Me: Ok long version.
  • Dad: Nothing much.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_how_it_be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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My dad said this one to me the other day...

Dad: "You know those tickle-me-elmo dolls they sell at toy stores?"

Me: "Yeah I've seen them, why?"

Dad: "Well, did you know that before they leave the warehouse, each doll gets two test tickles?"

Me: "Um, that's weird....ohhhh" facepalms and walks away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YooHoss
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
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