The people I live with are so annoying! They keep leaving the back door open.

This is what I get for living with coders and software programmers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimm___
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2022
🚨︎ report
Do you know where horses live when they move to the city?

In a neighborhood down on Mane Street.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2022
🚨︎ report
What do dead people eat, that when live people eat it, they die?

Nothing!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Santa's elves do not live at the North Pole full time. Where do they live during the summer?

In Philad-elf-ia.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2022
🚨︎ report
How do birds legally show where they liveοΏΌ?

Proof of perches

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fusionblast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
🚨︎ report
During a divorce hearing the judge ask the son if he wanted to live with his mom or dad. The son answered, "neither they both beat me." So the judge asked, "who do you want to live with?"

The son answered, "the U.S. Women's Soccer Team. They only beat themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DonutCapitalism
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.

"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...

No plains no grains

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahughman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the village where Hobbits live that isn’t as good as the Shire but they make really good sloppy joes?

Worcestershire

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinygluesticks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.

I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to watch a movie where a boy falls in love with a head of lettuce and they live happily ever after

What can I say, I’m a hopeless romaintic

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aexolthum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter tells me that she wants to live in a nice house with her friends when they all have stable jobs.

I said, β€œWell sweetie, that’s nice, but I just can’t see you and your friends shoveling manure for a living.”

To which she replied, β€œOh no? I thought you said that I could be president if I wanted to!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?

A cowabungalow

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Asked my horses where they wanted to live

They responded with β€œBeverly hooves”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JayBoy1879
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
People who live close to work may drive, or they may walk...
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
🚨︎ report
If all Disney princesses were fat, how would they live?

Heavily ever after!! (Not making fun of fat people)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Evil_cringe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't live at home anymore, so when I asked my dad how much snow they got last night this is what he sent me.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chornu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
🚨︎ report
When the Offspring play live they all perform on a partitioned stage...

Cause, "You gotta keep 'em separated!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterManiacal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Turtles live for so long because they have an excellent shellf life.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerZA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If they used to film all these T.V. shows "before a live studio audience", what did they do after the audience got there?
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconerGuitars
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.