I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyUnassuming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...

It's pastor bedtime

πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigrex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....

You should play defense, no offense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanfibers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
So I ask for something easy at a restaurant, and the server recommends β€œwell the chicken strips for 6$”

β€œMaybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmemrjackass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.

The dirty bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? I found out why it happened.

He couldn’t see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anonupvote
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew of the shelves.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œWell, this thing’s all screwed!” Wife shouts as the leg breaks off my handmade dining table today.

β€œDang!” I replied. β€œI really thought I’d nailed it.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.

Pfizer killing me now

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SadistaMac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
what's the most well-known cake in social media?

pound cake

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/de_Deus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Well.. We made another trip around the sun.

But it's the earth's rotation that really makes my day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jagee23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, β€œI like it well done.”

I said, β€œThanks. That means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The senior prank didn’t sit well with the faculty members today. reddit.com/gallery/kd9axw
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalen_Hurts2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Well, I decked the Halls today...

They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone said I wasn’t very smart because I never read anything. Well it so happens I was reading an article just the other day

It said Juicy.

Turns out it was an article of clothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Le_Gitzen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press release.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

πŸ‘︎ 799
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankee9Niner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a tired out dog?

One wears a suit and the other just pants.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...

"...mountains peak!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.

They’re going to call it the iAye

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RockhardManstrong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he can’t see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the man fall into a well?

Cause he couldn't see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/666Fred_Real
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2old4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle..?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?

Because he didn't see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMcRican
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 755
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire.

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winnt7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the partially blind man fall into a well?

Because he could not see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IDRambler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the half-blind man fall into a well?

He couldn't see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Little_ivory_fox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer fall in the well?

Because he didn’t see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robin_Banks77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind man fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatcattleco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well

He couldn’t see that well

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_AngryFIFAPlayer_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MediocrePay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?

Because he didn't see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMcRican
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

A tire

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdmanOK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a badly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press conference

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ephen_stephen13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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