I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
I ate some food coloring the other day and didn’t feel well. I went to the doctor but he told me I was fine.
I still feel like I dyed on the inside.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well
Did you know Sully js gay? Well, he came out of the closet.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Why did the old lady fall down the well?
She didn’t see that well.
Why did the pony not do well at his singing audition?
Unfortunately, he was a little hoarse.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
edit: had to delete original post, due to misspelling in the title.
Well, this one hit the bar
Giving Sub Zero the Mr Freeze quotes makes him not just the coolest of freezy puns, but the frozen one as well.
The park ranger told me that he would donate all the pennies, nickles, and quarters thrown into the wishing well to my charity.....
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he never gave me a single dime!
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
I rode my bike again for the first time since my teens. I can’t believe that I can still ride it so well.
It’s just like riding a bike.
They asked me how I put the wood together so well.
We got a new dog yesterday. He was a rescue and we're so glad to make him a part of our family. 'I think the transition is going well.'
'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'
Did you hear about the well-behaved little boy?
Whenever he was good, his dad gave him 10p and a pat on the head. By the time he was sixteen, he had £786 and a flat head.
Since the pandemic, my friend has been doing well selling vases made from herbs mixed with ancient crushed Chinese plates...
That's pretty good thyme-Ming.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Which is the bird that can do the things that you can do, as well?
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
So I ask for something easy at a restaurant, and the server recommends “well the chicken strips for 6$”
“Maybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? I found out why it happened.
He couldn’t see that well.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew of the shelves.
Two brokers met on the sidewalk. "How's it going?" Said the one. "I'm fine," replied the other. "Well, gotta run," said the one. "Okay," said the other, "I'll see ya later." "All right. Bye."
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
“Well, this thing’s all screwed!” Wife shouts as the leg breaks off my handmade dining table today.
“Dang!” I replied. “I really thought I’d nailed it.”
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
Why did the blind man walk into the well?
He couldn’t see that well
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well...
Why did the blind man fall in the well?
Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Why did the man fall down the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
Why did the old lady fall in the well?
She couldn’t see that well.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he can’t see that well!
Why did the man fall into a well?
Cause he couldn't see that well!
Why did the old lady fall into the well?
Because she didn't see that well
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?
Because he didn't see that well.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle..?
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?
Why did the farmer fall in the well?
Because he didn’t see that well.
Why did the partially blind man fall into a well?
Because he could not see that well.
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