I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!
If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.
My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
The wedding was so touching that
even the cake was in tiers.
Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.
Did you hear about the wedding of the two antennas?
The ceremony was so-so...but the reception was epic!!
I went to a wedding where the bride was left at the altar
It went off without a hitch
Why did the two melons have a church wedding?
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
I went to my best friend's wedding today. He is an awesome fisher. I like him a lot and always come with the finest catch.
But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.
What did the wedding cake say while it was cutting an onion?
I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I can’t find the punchline.
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?
If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....
He would be the Pastor of Muppets
Why couldn’t they serve communion wafers at the wedding reception?
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much
But the reception was incredible.
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
What did you think of the two antennas’ wedding?
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great!
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
The wedding went off without a hitch.
The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said
What did the bird say at his wedding
Why was the penguin late to his own wedding?
Why were the melons forced to have a small wedding?
Because they cantaloupe.
Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
Why do brides cry at the wedding ?
Because they never marry the best man !
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
What do you call the guys who sweep up after a wedding?
[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...
Groom: After me..
Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?
Bride: No, his name is Mike.
People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.
What is the cookie's favorite dance at the wedding?
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos.
We couldn't settle between two of them. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one.
So, I told her, "Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....
It was one hell of a barbecue.
Why did the groomsman bring chicken to the wedding?
Because he was the breast man
"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding
"Add some jam on it," he continued
(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)
Why does the melon have to have a big traditional wedding?
Why did the melons have such an expensive wedding?
..because they cant-elope
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.
Really brought a tier to my eye.
Why did the melon want an expensive wedding?
Because he was a cantelope.
My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
The wedding vows were so touching...
Even the cake was in tiers.
(Obligatory cake day joke.)
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I can’t seem to open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
At his wedding, my friend called me the worst best man he’s ever seen.
I was at my son's wedding the other day
It was very emotional - even the wedding cake was in tiers!
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