I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!

If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.

"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"

"16!"

"How did you figure that out."

"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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The wedding was so touching that

even the cake was in tiers.

Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anoobypro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Did you hear about the wedding of the two antennas?

The ceremony was so-so...but the reception was epic!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pr140391
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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I went to a wedding where the bride was left at the altar

It went off without a hitch

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pudenator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Why did the two melons have a church wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I went to my best friend's wedding today. He is an awesome fisher. I like him a lot and always come with the finest catch.

But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloodoolf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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What did the wedding cake say while it was cutting an onion?

I'm in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJokeBadJoke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.

I can’t find the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?

Hiss and her bath towels

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstockmoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....

He would be the Pastor of Muppets

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proweld7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Why couldn’t they serve communion wafers at the wedding reception?

It was a no host bar.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparklingbeatnik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much

But the reception was incredible.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What did you think of the two antennas’ wedding?

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballsquancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?

Because they could elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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The wedding went off without a hitch.

The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RootBoy42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.

They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said

Suit yourself

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What did the bird say at his wedding

I'll wing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gary_mood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Why was the penguin late to his own wedding?

He had cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Why were the melons forced to have a small wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drdoggomd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Why do brides cry at the wedding ?

Because they never marry the best man !

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.

So now my in-laws are out-laws.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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What do you call the guys who sweep up after a wedding?

The Broomsmen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdog5723
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me..

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Mike.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.

They cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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What is the cookie's favorite dance at the wedding?

The Macaroon-a!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos.

We couldn't settle between two of them. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one.

So, I told her, "Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigMartin58
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....

It was one hell of a barbecue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Why did the groomsman bring chicken to the wedding?

Because he was the breast man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 977
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenKyoko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Why does the melon have to have a big traditional wedding?

Because it Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunkz3n
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Why did the melons have such an expensive wedding?

..because they cant-elope

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thsebrightlights
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.

Really brought a tier to my eye.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Why did the melon want an expensive wedding?

Because he was a cantelope.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.

It's old butt gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.

Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkus19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The wedding vows were so touching...

Even the cake was in tiers.

(Obligatory cake day joke.)

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChillWisdom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I can’t seem to open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 417
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
At his wedding, my friend called me the worst best man he’s ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at my son's wedding the other day

It was very emotional - even the wedding cake was in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_The_Mattmatician
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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