In the UK we now have new Covid alert levels
I knew it would end in tiers
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Oh, to live in the UK.
Gaining 25 pounds is a good thing there.
Stephen Hawking was from the UK
But if he was from the US, he would be Stephen YeeHawking
The UK doesnt have a kidney bank...
but it does have a Liverpool
“Be careful!” My friend told me. “People in the UK drive on the left side of the road”
Thanks to him I guess I’ll be all right
There’s nothing that’s state owned in The UK
How much free space will the UK free up after leaving the EU?
In the UK, weights are really expensive,
A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!
Why do laptops weigh more in the UK compared to US?
The keyboard adds an extra pound.
£
After Brexit, will you need a visa to travel from the UK to Europe and visa versa?
(People from the UK will get this) What key opens every door?
Everywhere else it’s July 24 except the UK
where it’s the end of May.
What did the McDonalds US patty say to the McDonalds UK patty?
I’m a HAMerican.
(Yes I know it sounds dumb but I get a laugh out of it sometimes because of how dumb it is.)
Snap election in the UK? That could mean that June is the end of May!
(Theresa May is UK prime minister)
Do you know some words (like color/colour or favorite/ favourite) are spelled differently in the US than in the UK?
It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."
Australians are importing kitchen worktops from the UK...
....they call them pommigranites.
UK is going to see the end of May
Why did the marine biologist travel to the UK?
My dad got me while listing the legislative buildings of several countries. He said, “The US has Capitol Hill, Germany has the Reichstag Building, the UK has the Palace of Westminster...
...and Australia has the Outback Statehouse.”
We're getting a new pound coin in the UK soon, but I hate it...
If you’re considered a Punny guy in North America, does that make you a Punter in The UK?
You know how the US has Dollar General? Well in the UK they have....
A Dad joke that only works in the UK.
Mum: Your cousin has had a baby!
Dad: Thats nice.
Mum: It was 7 pounds 6.
Dad: Blimey that's cheap.
You know the most common owl in the UK?
Did you hear about the gym teacher who's fled the uk after allegedly having 'relations' with one of his student?
Police say he's done a runner.
What brand of shampoo does the Prime Minister of UK use?
In the UK "tuppence" refers to a small amount of money and is shorthand for a woman's vagina. In the US Trump-Pence involves a lot of money and describes a pair of penises.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tuppence
http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/14/politics/donald-trump-vice-presidential-choice/
I work on a nature reserve in the UK. My dad came to visit today.
I wonder what the UK's diet plan is....
because they're dropping pounds by the minute!
Edit: I wasn't sure if this was a dad joke or a mean joke. But judging by the eye roll I got from my wife.....I figured it would fit better here.
Got my dad this morning with the new UK PM.
Me: Did you see a women named Theresa might be the new PM in the UK?
Dad: hmm, yeah, Theresa May.
Me: Yeah, she might.
Me and my SO went too Lapland, she said something reminds her of back home (the UK).
I replied "it must be the rain dear".
Literally happened two minutes ago while watching a documentary on monarchy in the UK
"Dad, do we have a coat of arms?"
"Well, I have a coat with arms!"
eye roll
He hit my mum with this one this morning. We're from the UK.
Mum - "I've done really well, you know! I've lost 10lbs!"
Dad - "Done well? We can't find it anywhere"
Regarding today's Sun newspaper in the UK
Mum: Did you see the Sun today? It was all yellow!
Girlfriend: The sun is always yellow.
Cue laughter.
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