My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I know it's too soon and still very controversial, but it's likely that the rioters may have the death penalty.
It was, after all, a Capitol offense.
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s ruler of Egypt? When told ‘that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.
People say he’s in da Nile
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared “Stop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
I can still remember the time I undercooked my French bread.
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.
If the Pyramids really were tombs, Would we still call them Pyramids? Rather,
Instead, we should call them DIE-Angles.
My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it
I guess it must be sprocket science
Gavin always said his crippling heartburn would be the death of him. I still can't believe
Still going around the world.
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers
My friend was telling me the other day that their nan's mum is still alive. She asked me "Do you have a great grandmother?"
I said "Eh, she's alright I guess."
Why did the Egyptian man wrongfully insist that he was still on land?
I'm still working on my next dadjoke. In the meantime, here is an up date.
Well we are closed now but the boards still come.
Still can’t find the answer
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.
I got friend zoned but being the gentleman that I am, I still have her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day
Still no toilet paper at the store today...
My dad said they’re wiped out
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
My grandfather is still mad at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.
I explained to him that it was the Americans who made the movie.
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
It’s been more than 15 years since the show was over, but people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My 4 year old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
During the quarantine, my 4 year old has been learning Spanish. Yet, he still can’t say please.
Which I think is poor for four.
my 4 year old started learning Spanish, he still doesn't know what the Spanish for please is,
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