A list of puns related to "The Picks"
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”
The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.” Poof! The jewels appear.
“For my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.” Poof! The karma appears.
The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. “I can give you anything in the world,” he says again.
The teacher thinks for a long time. “As a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote ‘lamb’ instead of ‘lamp.’ Please correct my mistake.”
The genie moaned in anguish. “This is Reddit,” he shouted. Once you post it, you can’t edit the title.
“In that case,” the teacher smiled, “It looks like I’ve got myself a genie for eternity.”
Just as he swings back his ax to begin his first chop, the tree cries out : "Wait! Don't cut me down! I am a talking tree!"
The lumberjack momentarily stunned stops, but then goes back to chopping down the tree saying, "Well then mate. I guess you're going to just have to dialog!"
A bad habit.
Son: “Dad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”
"No thanks, just looking around."
I guess you can say there are more than TUA picks for them.
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
"No I don't want any aluminum siding."
They gave me another one free of charge.
She should have been pacific in her instructions.
The shop owner told him "If you can't afford to pay for that carrot, then put it down."
I checked my watch and said nothing.
"Well? Have you made your choice?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's only 1 O'Clock."
I held it out to my spouse an mimicked a British accent as I said “Allo, luv!” I was rewarded with the eye-roll that tells me I’ve delivered another classic dad joke.
I said: “because he’s cross eyed!?” to which he replied: “no, because he’s really heavy.”
He thought I would pick the farmer, but i took the ladder
That they wouldn't cover it due to it being miner damage
True story: the wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin. Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman can’t bend to pick it up because… ya know… she’s holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while she’s looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and say…
“Here, let me give you a hand”
She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing. So I am posting here in the hopes that my genius will be appreciated. Keep getting those dad jokes in the wild, folks.
I'm excited to see what the buzz is about.
I said, “I don’t think I’ll be strong enough by then.”
It was just the Peeking Duck.
How are you doing that? I asked.
Relax. It's a hologram.
A hologram?
Yes, it's pretty light.
I told the kids “this changes EVERYTHING!”
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
They tend to have a lot of baggage
That’s snot a good look for him.
But I still have the one I was born with.
"A TOE TRUCK!!??"
Natural selection.
He doesn't like touching trash with his bear hands
Because of pier pressure
But I'm on the fence
It was a hard drive.
He could, but he’d be a “little Thor” afterwards.
He was a carpenter.
I've been telling this joke for 10+ years and my wife still doesn't get it.
The details went over my head but he certainly knows his shit.
.....some would say, it’s my special tea
I got home and realized I picked 7up
Apparently security doesn’t like it when you yell “Hi Jack!”
It's really getting out of hand
All that company cares about is the bottom line.
The last one is just a spare I guess.
Kung Fuji
"No, it kills them."
She found a massage in a bottle.
They gave me a new one free of charge
They gave me another one free of charge.
They gave me another one free of charge.
Family: so?
Dad: They gave me another one free of charge.
They gave me another one free of charge.
They gave me another one free of charge.
. She still regrets letting me name the kids.
When I got home, I realized I had picked 7 Up.
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