My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge
But I just canโt quit cold turkey
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case thereโs a salad dressing
๐︎ 15k
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︎ Aug 29 2020
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itโs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied โpapa dumbโ
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︎ Dec 01 2020
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I overcame my addiction to eating Thanksgiving leftovers directly out of the fridge.
I didn't use the 12 steps, I quit cold turkey.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, โItโs not working. I canโt take it any more. Iโm going to my momโs.โ
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
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︎ Jun 19 2020
It's amazing..to use the fridge at my work, you don't even need an appointment!
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︎ Sep 21 2020
One of my kids ate a magnetic number off the fridge; it was the one between 1 and 3.
The doc said they would be ok โThis two shall pass.โ
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I put a new shelf towards the top of my fridge
The steaks have never been higher
๐︎ 8
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︎ Jun 20 2020
My dad told me to look in the fridge and check out the milk that went bad
๐︎ 2
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︎ Jul 21 2020
I found one hard boiled egg in the fridge
It was the last one in the container. I took one bite and spit it out - no idea how long it had been there but clearly it had been too long.
"Rotten egg?" my husband asks. I agree. He says "Makes sense, it was the last one there."
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︎ Apr 26 2020
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it.
๐︎ 5k
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︎ Feb 25 2019
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
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︎ May 31 2020
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.
She looked at me and said, โIโm having a T party.โ
I chortled.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Which table fits in the fridge?
๐︎ 5
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︎ May 26 2020
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
๐︎ 13
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Why didn't the mayonnaise want to go back in the fridge?
Because it saw the salad dressing
๐︎ 4
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︎ Apr 22 2020
I came home and saw a note from my wife stuck on the fridge: โIโm sorry. This isnโt working. You take things too literally. Goodbye.โ
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
๐︎ 8k
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︎ Jul 28 2018
The other day my wife couldnโt find any apples in the fridgeโฆ
โฆit was a fruitless search.
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︎ May 19 2020
I think I'm addicted to eating poultry from the fridge
Looks like I'm going to have to quit cold turkey.
๐︎ 56
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︎ Nov 30 2019
I just accidentally sucked up one of my kid's alphabet fridge magnets in the vacuum
๐︎ 20
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︎ Feb 22 2020
Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
Because he saw the salad dressing
๐︎ 26
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︎ Dec 23 2019
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
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︎ Jan 29 2020
You should always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing
๐︎ 33
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I always knock on the fridge before I open the door...
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I'll see myself out....
๐︎ 68
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︎ Dec 04 2020
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Dec 06 2020
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
๐︎ 211
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I used to be addicted to eating Thanksgiving leftovers straight out of the fridge
But then I quit cold turkey.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Why should you always knock on the fridge before opening it?
There could be a salad dressing.
๐︎ 13
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︎ Sep 14 2020
I always knock when I open the fridge
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
๐︎ 158
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I Always Knock On The Fridge Door Before Opening It...
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
๐︎ 91
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I always knock on the fridge before opening it
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
๐︎ 16
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
๐︎ 35
๐
︎ Sep 08 2020
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it...
there might be a salad dressing.
๐︎ 19
๐
︎ Aug 25 2020
I always knock before opening the fridge
Just in case there is a salad dressing
๐︎ 27
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︎ Aug 05 2020
I always knock on the fridge before I open it
Just in case thereโs a salad dressing
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Nov 26 2019
I always knock on the fridge before opening it
Just in case thereโs a salad dressing
๐︎ 37
๐
︎ Jul 15 2020
I always knock on my fridge before opening the door
Just in case there's a salad dressing
๐︎ 22
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Why do you always know ask on the fridge before opening it?
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jun 23 2020
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jul 17 2020
My wife left a note the fridge: this isn't working. I'm going to my mom's house.
I opened the fridge door, the light was on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
๐︎ 78
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︎ Aug 25 2019
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