Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"

Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarfbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
why did the business man make a call to Pennsylvania?

they were business a-phili-ates

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morgzsteurnbagel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?

One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...

Apparently, nobody was interested in buying β€˜Shatner Panties’.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the balloon factory go out of business?

Too much inflation

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the spider just mind it's own business making a web?

To make sure I wasn't being bugged

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the money your garbage business earns?

Gross revenue

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.

I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.

β€œExcuse me,” I said, β€œI couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”

They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, β€œIt’s Wales!”

β€œNo offense intended,” I replied. β€œPlease allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schoonerw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

He lost interest.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the angry doctor go out of business?

Because he was losing his patience.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banditrocket2224
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cow and the horse start a business together?

They figured they could make a lot of Moo Neigh.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the horses business doing so well?

β€œBecause it has a stabled economy.”

My 10yo daughter just came up to me with this after sitting there stewing about my previous joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fracken_a
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.

It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the spice shop go out of business?

They just couldn’t keep up with the thymes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FangsofOrcrist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who owns a yachting business, but had to work from home due to the pandemic...

Now his sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DNDLoser07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Production costs are really high in the dairy business

A lot of expenses are in curd.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KILLA2-0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!

But that’s just projected figures.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My business is on the verge of bankcruptcy even though I am doing everything right.

It doesn't make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A consultant came in to analyse my business the other day...

He said "sweeping changes had to be made".

The Janitor is not happy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArseRobot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Started a business building Yachts at home during the Lockdown..

..and the Sails have gone through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the teacher who ran a landscaping business during breaks?

He operated the grader.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the pot-head chiropractor getting so much business?

Everybody needed help rolling their joints

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lostintime31
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business

It was called Bruce Banisters

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Making money in the dog exercising business

is a walk in the park.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialYurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills

But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to their store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (Best prices!)"

Not to be outdone, the one on the right puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (Best quality!)

The one in the middle thinks about it for a while, and eventually puts up a sign of his own.

"Jackson's clothing store (Main entrance).”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the retired Sheriff who started a landscaping business?

He called it Lawn Order

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratesox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Orchards around the world are going out of business en masse...

All their hard work really is just one big, fruitless endeavor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InLoveWithAbsol
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
You're the worst conductor in the railroad business. How many trains did you derail last year?

I don't know boss, it's so hard to keep track.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacoenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Tesla is really stinking up the business news section..

It's all because of the Musk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Steve Tyler has quit the music business and become a professional fletcher...

His shop is called Arrowsmith.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the best at minding their own business?

An entrepreneur

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vibccanman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow who dropped out of school to start a computer business?

He made lots of moola.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a mate writing a tell all book about life in the snow plough business.

He says it will be a very gritty read.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mulletboiiii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a business fixing vehicles to have the wheel only turning one direction.

Business is going alright

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlotte_8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?

The prophets are through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donegal-Hospital
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm considering getting into the steel and mining business

.. just need to iron out the details.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the sign say outside of an out of business brothel?

Beat it. We’re closed.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlewoolfy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that when the first dynamite factory opened it experienced booming business?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daninger4995
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the quarry that went out of business?

They hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the mafia go into the pizza business

They wanted to make some dough

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/governingLody
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to say something funny about the cocaine business...

But I didn't want to crack a joke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slyth3r1n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cow and the horse start a business together?

They figured they could make a lot of Moo Neigh.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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