Why do the British pronounce a "bottle of water" as a "bo'oh'o'wa'er"?

Because they drank all the t.

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NokiaBrickPhone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2023
🚨︎ report
A bottle of Omega 3 Fatty Acids fell on my head yesterday at the store.

Don’t worry I only got super fish oil injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPTimberSycamore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2023
🚨︎ report
Found this in my moms garage. I give you: The Bottle Popener
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Daughter: β€œDad why are you staring at the orange juice bottle?”

Dad: β€œIt says concentrate.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"

The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adiizzyy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do rich people drink wine straight from the bottle?

Because they can't pour.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfamousRawB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2022
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me "why do you keep an empty bottle of milk in the fridge?"

I replied "in case any visitors want a black coffee."

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Floaty_Goat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2022
🚨︎ report
I once littered in a forest and the only ones that saw me were a group of otters in the nearby river. I'll never forget the look they gave me as that plastic bottle left my hands.

It was a look of otter disdain.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2022
🚨︎ report
How did the Japanese condiment bottle introduce itself to the Mexican condiment bottle?

Yo Soy Sauce

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaBahamut93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2022
🚨︎ report
what's the most you've ever spent on a bottle of whiskey?

45 minutes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gandalfsmokespipe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
🚨︎ report
My brother threw my water bottle in the ocean, and forced my to drink from it.

I’m still salty about it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr__Pengin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2022
🚨︎ report
I brought a corked bottle to the party

The other guests whined about the taste.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2022
🚨︎ report
I was hanging out with my friend Sierra when she tried to throw her off-brand soda bottle into the trash can

Sierra Mist

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboinw4859
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Was talking to my friend last week, asked how his wife was doing and he said to me he doesn't know she went to the shop for a bottle of milk 2 week ago and hasn't come back, I asked him how he was coping

He said I've been using the powdered milk its bloody horrible

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the police arresting a bottle of water?

It was wanted in three states: solid, liquid and gas.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2022
🚨︎ report
The bottle of bleach I bought said "Keep away from children" on its label

Great advice, they're so annoying!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flopsychops
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2022
🚨︎ report
a litre of petrol and a bottle of beer are being sold at the same price in my state.

It's now your decision you can ride or you can fly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abbs002
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2022
🚨︎ report
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
"Could we have a bottle of red wine, please?" I asked the waiter.

After a few glasses my wife said, "This wine really compliments my food."

"How drunk are you?" I asked. "Wine doesn't talk."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2022
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bottle of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't tuna fish!

>!Hm? The glue? I knew you'd get stuck on that!<

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
🚨︎ report
My brother asked me why the bottle of beer he bought in the morning was half empty.

I told him that it was because he was a pessimist.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeedForSleepx30
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2022
🚨︎ report
The preacher always was a bit of a pushover and people pleaser. Which is why we were all surprised when he drank a whole bottle of lye.

Guess he just really wanted to be based.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2022
🚨︎ report
What did the pill bottle say when it ran out of medicine?

0mg

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Two brothers plan on sharing the soda they just bought, half half. The first brother drinks the entire bottle in a minute. The other bother says "why the hell did you drink the entire thing? We were going to each have half!"

The brother who chugged the soda responds "my half was on the bottom."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/w00dw0rk3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the boy stare at the bottle of orange juice?

Because it said concentrate.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Milesdaman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty.

I said because she is a pessimist.

πŸ‘︎ 346
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ketchup bottle that filled itself?

They used automatos

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2bitinternet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2022
🚨︎ report
Kid: β€œHey, Dad, what’s this bottle of wine doing in the fridge?”

Me: β€œJust chillin’”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akaky-akakyevich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman with a bottle opener in one hand, a knife in the other hand, a pair of scissors under her arm and a corkscrew behind her ear?

Swiss Army Wife.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenMan4212
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Watching the news is like squeezing a bottle of coke.

It’s Soda Pressing

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mdsram
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Scientists just found a soda bottle at the bottom of the Mariana Trench

They’re not sure if it was real life or just a fanta-sea

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.

I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Bottle-nosed dolphins are some of the smartest animals on the planet. So smart in fact that they never make mistakes...

They do everything on porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/namocaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The act of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of champagne against it should be called 'Shiptoasting'.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BarelyEfficient
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't the bottle of mouthwash be a politician?

When he opens his mouth, everything coming out is gargled.

(Umm, wait...)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gracius0ne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2021
🚨︎ report
An angry fan just threw a bottle of mustard on the field at the Tennessee game...

I guess the team needed to ketchup.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bgva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?

Attempted Hummus-ide.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?

"Don't look! I'm dressing!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife uses a whole bottle of dishwasher every time she washes the dishes at night.

Another day, another Dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber β€œis this whiskey?”

The other says β€œyeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcEmarc1966
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2022
🚨︎ report
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 408
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why the bottle of wine she bought earlier was half empty

I told her because she is a pessimist.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.