Whatβs the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Why couldn't the man stop buying birds?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I just saw two birds flying side by side into the courthouse.
I think theyβre called βparaleagles.β
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︎ Jan 29 2021
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
That side has more birds.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Have you heard about the disease you get from kissing birds ?
It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.
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︎ Dec 20 2020
So if a bird lives by the sea itβs a seagull. If it lives by the bay itβs bagel.
So if itβs covered in slime, is it a googull?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Sitting around watching the birds crowd around the bird feeder,
My brother says, "Someone must have left a good Yelp review."
I said, "Yeah, somebody tweeted about it."
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
The bird war is over
They signed a peace tweety
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Out of all the birds that exist, owls are the most beautiful.
They are quite the head turner.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
What did the avid bird hunter do?
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Did you hear about the dancing bird?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Migratory birds can be fascinating. You often see them fly in "V" formation across the sky. On occasion you see that one side is longer than the other. It's a simple scientific explanation really.
There just happens to be more birds on that side.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What time of the year is it usually fly or die for baby birds?
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Why won't the bird defense attorney speak to more than one crow at a time?
Because anything more than one is murder.
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︎ Oct 11 2020
What did the bird do when it found a spider?
It tweeted out the location of the website.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
which side of a bird has the most feathers?
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︎ Sep 29 2020
While we were out on the lake, my girlfriend swore she saw a bird dive into the water...
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︎ Sep 20 2020
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of Americaβs national bird.
His actions were highly ill-eagle
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︎ Sep 23 2020
A wonderful bird, the pelican.
His beak can hold more than his bellycan.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
What did the bird say at his wedding
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What are the sweetest birds?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
How do you let birds know when you've refilled the bird feeder?
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Why do birds always need to go to the doctor?
Because they constantly have the flew
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︎ Aug 04 2020
Did you hear about the man selling dead birds for $4000
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Why does the bird alphabet have 27 letters?
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︎ Jun 19 2020
Which is the most sarcastic bird?
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Now is the best time to buy a pet bird.
I hear they are going cheep.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Bird flew into the window today. No fowl play suspected as of now.
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︎ May 13 2020
βͺWhat did the farmer say to his fellow farmer when they bought another bird?β¬
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︎ May 23 2020
Why did the chef give a bird a sweater?
He wanted to make the duck confit.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Saw a bird in the bushes. Nature is healing, we are the problem.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Bird puns in the comments
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︎ Sep 03 2019
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
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︎ Jun 04 2020
Where did the bird go when he felt sick?
To the ducktor!
But why did he feel sick?
Because he had a crippling quack addiction.
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︎ Feb 17 2020
What song do the birds sing in France?
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︎ Feb 23 2020
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
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︎ Apr 13 2020
So I was on a flight the other day when they guy next to me asked me if I heard of βbird strikes.β
I honestly didnβt think they could hold signs.
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︎ Apr 21 2020
What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?
What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?
A bagel.
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︎ Feb 09 2020
Pigeons are the new leaders of the bird world
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︎ May 15 2020
My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.
She says itβs my crow aggression.
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︎ May 03 2020
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Why do birds fly south for the winter
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︎ Sep 07 2020
When you see birds flying in a βvβ shape, youβll see more birds on one side than the other. Want to know why?
Itβs because there are more birds on that side.
... Iβll see myself out.
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︎ May 23 2020
βͺWhat did the farmer say to his fellow farmer when they bought another bird?β¬
βͺThis swanβs on meβ¬
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︎ May 23 2020
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