Did you see that lady who steals sandwiches?

She is absolutely breadtaking!

👍︎ 25
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📅︎ May 09 2020
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Dad: Hey kids, did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?

Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?

Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.

Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.

Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?

Me: Dad, no.

👍︎ 9k
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👤︎ u/bot_10
📅︎ Sep 24 2019
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What do you call a black lady that installs and changes catheters?

Urethra Franklin

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Jun 04 2020
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Y'all hear about the fat lady that got arrested at the airport?

They didn't find any dope on her, but they found 112 pounds of crack!

(Brought to you by my grandpa.)

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ May 22 2020
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My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen: What do you call raw meat that's running late?

Tardy Tartar.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/belspethen
📅︎ Apr 03 2020
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Roofing a new barn with my daughter. "Hey, you know that song about women roofers?" (No....) "Yeah you do - Shingle Ladies."

It's on the album "The Roof is For Hire"

👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/Sunstoned1
📅︎ Dec 29 2019
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I saw that Lady Gaga was about to faint and rushed to her help.

She said, "I need a strong cool breeze on my face."

I said, "I'm sorry but I can't help you. I'm just not a big fan."

👍︎ 25
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👤︎ u/thkoog
📅︎ Nov 14 2019
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I was walking away from McDonald's with my drink sipping from my straw and I heard the lady tell the guy behind me that there were no straws left

This was the last straw

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Nov 25 2019
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Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?

It's Flo Rida

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/Wuellig
📅︎ Dec 12 2019
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I made a lady laugh at work. I asked her why she was returning these kids clothes and she said she husband didn't like them. I replied that he must be very tiny.
👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Oct 15 2019
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What do you call a lady that has 1 leg shorter than the other?

Ilene

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/ahmadh26
📅︎ Apr 05 2019
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Did you hear about the sheep that looks like Lady Gaga?

It was shorn this way

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/AllanCD
📅︎ Sep 02 2018
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What did the lawyer do to the lady that pushed him into a manhole?

Sewer.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Aug 11 2018
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Did you hear about the blind lady that fell into the well?

Turns out she couldn't see that well.

👍︎ 24
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📅︎ Jan 25 2018
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The lady in the clothing store the other day told me that panties were 50% off.

I told her she should probably put them back on before someone sees her doing that.

👍︎ 69
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📅︎ Dec 25 2014
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I heard there's an old lady that lives in a shoe...

What a great feet of engineering.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Apr 12 2018
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I know a lady that used to be a nun...

She kicked the habit.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/cl350rg
📅︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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