What did the cow do after he broke up with his girlfriend?

He moooooved on.

👍︎ 1k
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Old terminology mixed with a new German shopping centre =
👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/Buddiebird
📅︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Portal Terminology

If cake is a lie, then is vanilla cake a white lie?

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad understands directional terminology

My mom, dad, and I are sitting in the living room reading and whatnot. We're talking about going on a drive later when my mom says, "One of my pet peeves is when people incorrectly use up and down for going places. I had to bite my tongue this week because a coworker said he was going up to the Seward office when it's south of of us. Up is north, down is south. But I didn't want to belittle him." So my dad says, "Why? Because he is bipolar?"

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/weglander
📅︎ Mar 23 2014
🚨︎ report
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the tallest man in the world if he was really 10' 4"

He said, affirmative

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/Tbridgf1
📅︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad out dad-joked my dad-joke.

Necessary Terminology: Toonie= Canadian $2 Coin

Friend's Facebook Status: "Laundromats aren't so bad when you find a toonie in the drier."

I commented: "If the drier cost $2, you could call it a wash!"

I was sort of proud of my dad-joke, so later that day, I told my dad the story.

Dad: "Do you think she'll be arrested?" Me: "No, why?" Dad: "For Money Laundering"

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/druman55
📅︎ May 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Why is a Nephrologist like a Pediatric Orthopedic Specialist?

they both study Kidneys (kid knees)

I'm a medical transportation coordinator and have spent too much time listening to medical terminology. Help me.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoking Shorty (part 1)

A bit of backstory. I'm notorious among my circle of friends for telling "terrible puns/jokes" I think it's amazing, but I'd been rolling them out all day, patience for puns must've gotten shortened.

I'm talking with Shorty (named because she had short hair) and she was telling me about a book she had started.

Shorty "So the book's called 'Cutting for Stone' and it's like a doctor drama kinda thing, the only issue is that that it's super heavy on the medical terminology, so many bloody surgeries and procedures are listed, and I don't really know anything about that kids stuff. Like it's got an interesting plot but I don't know if I can't finish it, I'm not to sure I'm cut out for it"

At that last line I began laughing (her pun was unintentional) and compliment her on it "ha that was good. You're not 'cut out' for it"

Shorty "Oh god that was terrible just stop"

Me "You want me to 'cut' it out?"

Shorty "I'm going to kill you if you keep this up woman"

Me "You're gonna 'cut' me up?"

Shorty "Your jokes are terrible and it's proven that puns make people angry"

At this point I was just rolling in my chair laughing I really couldn't keep it together, possibly the best reply rolls through my head after this comment, I crack up, there I am choking out as tears come to my eyes. "Well it's a good thing it's not a PUNishable offense"

The girl next to me starts laughing as shorty yells at me how I can't just start crying at my own jokes.

TLDR; A witty banter of sharper than usual humor, as I walk a razor thin line of pissing off my friend and pissing myself with laughter.

I have many other stories so I titled this part one,if anybody likes my writing and jokes I'll share the rest!

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/Bingo4913
📅︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.