Grandma doesn’t reminisce about the men she dated before meeting grandpa, except for this one Latino man who one day mysteriously disappeared.
He was the Juan who got away.
Why didn’t the man go to the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person
Our friend Amanda told us that she’s single now and doesn’t need a man.
So we started calling her Da.
If you’re dating a man who doesn’t like fruit
Why didn’t the blind man accept the job offer?
He just didn’t see himself working there
When Shakespeare tries to pick between which Spider-Man movies to watch, the question isn’t whether the movie is good or bad.
Tobey or not tobey, that is the question.
I just read about a convict who killed a man who couldn’t hear, taste, feel, see, or smell.
It was a senseless murder.
Why didn’t the poor man go to college?
He didn’t have enough cents
Why can’t you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg?
Because wooden legs don’t take pictures
At the local Butchers, the man behind the counter said “I bet you £10 you can’t reach those pieces of meat.”
“No bet,” I replied, “the steaks are too high.”
What do you call a man who doesn’t stand?
What did the taxi driver say to the man who didn’t pay him?
What’s a four man rock group that doesn’t have anyone singing in it?
A man has 3 girlfriends and doesn’t know whom to marry!?!
He gives each girl $5000 and sees how’d they spend it.
-
Does a whole body makeover- I love you and want to look beautiful for you always
-
Buys him a new set of clubs and a new tv- I want you to have fun bc I love you
-
Takes the $5000, invests it, doubles it, reinvests the profits and gives him back his $5000. I love you and want us to focus on our future and plan together…
The man still can’t decide and just goes with the one who has the biggest boobs!!
What happened to the man who robbed the liquor store and didn’t get caught?
I told my father I don’t have a job anymore. I told him I couldn’t work for that man after what he told me
“What did he tell you ?” he asked
“He said I was fired”.
I filmed a whole season of a show about a man who can’t fly, but thinks he can.
I’m having trouble getting it off the ground though. Nobody wants to air the pilot.
What can a bird do that a man can't?
This old man don’t stand a chance. He might stand b chance or c chance,
but he don’t stand a chance
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”
“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”
“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the bartender asks.
“Im a taxidermist!” The man replies.
“What the hell is that!?” The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously “ I umm, mount dead animals”
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar “ it’s ok fellas, he’s one of us!”
Why couldn’t the man afford a new chimney?
The price was through the roof.
Why can’t the blind man see his friends?
Because he is married.
Ps. Not mine, but I wanted to share it with you
Man I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any more kids.
But yet I woke up this morning and they’re still here!
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Man, I don’t have any thyme for this!
What’s a snow man that doesn’t have any snow?
A NO man!
Courtesy of my almost 6 year old daughter as she’s playing the snow. She’s a natural.
What do you call a religious man with diarrhea who isn’t afraid to pass gas at anytime?
Why doesn’t Spider man have a Spider car?
Because it would drive him up the fucking wall.
Why didn’t the angry man want eggs for breakfast?
He wasn’t in the mood for any yolks.
Apparently, Agnetha Fältskog (singer of ABBA) didn’t have a very good relationship with her grandfather. He wasn’t a very nice man. But she would still make regular visits
Why couldn’t the colour blind man sell ice cream?
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:
Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.
Why didn’t the old man want to join the socialist party?
Because he was antisocial
It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
An man at a bar didn’t want his wife to know he was out all night. But he was so drunk he couldn’t even stand and had to crawl all the way back home on all fours.
He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said “Why were you out all night?” He said “How did you find out?”
She said “The bar called. They said you left your wheelchair again”.
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didn’t he get the electric chair?
Turns out he was a really bad conductor.
I can’t find my man. Where did my
Just don’t roofie ‘em. Not cool, man.
What do you call a man who can’t stand?
What do you call a man who can’t stand
A man awoke in a hospital bed after a brutal accident. He shouted “doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms“
a man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”
the doctor said “I know you can’t, i’ve cut off your arms!
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