TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
My daughter asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said, “No, I didn’t even know he could.”
What do you call edibles and laxatives mixed in a bowl
I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!
If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.
Corona didn’t need an ad in the Super Bowl for their beer.
My son just asked me if I've seen the dog bowl
I said I didn't know that he could but it sounds pretty impressive.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He got pulled under by a strong current.
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?
I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.
Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!
What do you get when you mix Cerave in a bowl with a fork?
Scramble Eczema Lotion
Got a decent laugh from my 4 year old.
They're gonna sell corn on the cob at the Super Bowl, and it's rumored to be cheap.
What do you call the space between a super models boobs?
What do you call cheerios in a fruit bowl?
What do you call a bowling ball that makes 3 back-to-back dad jokes in an alley?
I soup-ose its technically news
I love bowling pins
They're right up my alley.
After I’d finished a bowl of blueberries, I was talking to my wife when she noticed my teeth were stained
“Well, you said you wanted a Bluetooth speaker”
I told my kids my super-hero name would be: Mr. Pee Pee
because, if you see me, ... urine trouble!
Man walks into a bar and the bowl of peanuts says “you’re beautiful”
Bartender says “don’t mind them, they’re complimentary”.
My 9-year-old daughter just made a dad joke to be super proud of!
My 15 year old asked me to call the dog.
Me: What should I call him?!
15: ugh, dad, call him by his name!
Wife: But he doesn't have a phone, how can I call him?
9-year-old: Well he DOES have collar ID!
I couldn't be more proud of that child!
In non-related news, my dream job is to be a bowling ball.
They had to cancel the Pro bowling tournament for this weekend.
Everybody went on strike. Spare me all the criticism, I'll just split right now.
My son asked my husband "What happens when you eat 20 mushrooms super fast?"
I was up super early this morning and I started wondering what time the sun would rise
Is it just me or does Vanilla Ice have a super disproportionate face? He has mouth size: adult and nose size: adult, but then he has...
Did you see the dog's bowl?
I didn't know they could.
My dad asked me which Super Bowl commercial I liked better, the Doritos one or the Mountain Dew one.
I told him, "It's a tie, dad"
"Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?"
"No, thanks. We'll pass."
Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl shouldn’t be a metaphor for pooping
It should be a metaphor for constipation
I have exceptional farm animals. One have learned how to operate a boat.
Unfortunately this sheep has sailed.
Most people think bowling is noisier than tennis, but this is untrue.
In bowling, you can hear a pin drop. In tennis, everyone raises a racket.
What company owns the rights to Super Bowl 59?
How do you call a bowling pig?
I accidentally bought my wife super glue instead of lip balm
Shes still not talking to me
What did Captain Kirk see when he looked into the toilet bowl?
I went bowling with a frozen turkey and missed all the pins.
I got a butterball gutterball. (Butter-gutter-ball)
What do you call a male renaissance artist with a bowl of jelly
We had 4 pears sitting in a bowl on our counter
My 5 year old boy just asked me how many pears we had left and I told him there were 2 pairs.
Went right over his head.
What the difference between a large bowl and fed Buck?
Ones a bucket and the other is a Buckate.
Today I learned that Geddy Lee from Rush and Les Claypool from Primus are super good friends in real life!
Do you think they've ever gone bass fishing together?
My wife asked if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said no, I didn't even know he could.
My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl.
I said ‘to be honest, I didn’t even know he could play cricket’
My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said no I didn’t know he could.
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