I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.
He’s now a seasoned veteran
My job was getting harder & harder.
A good retirement plan.
Sometimes, not so solid, either.
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
But they are a solid #2
Dam.
I came up with this one today but I'm sure it's been done before. My wife said it's lame. What do you say?
AUNT: You look just like your dad.
ME: Thanks. We both use our eyes.
But they are a solid #2
Coworker 1: Aw shucks looks like we got the wrong lettuce.
Coworker 2: What do you mean? It's the same lettuce we usually get.
Coworker 1: Nuh uh, this is clearly iceberg lettuce.
Badum tss
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.
So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”
So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”
The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping “bulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. “WELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”
The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman “Master, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”
The Irishman looks to the genie and says “oh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”
Especially when I've been eating grapes all day
What a waste!
Because people got confused when they ask you to swipe your cardigan.
I can’t C sharp, but I am the dad of A minor, That boy is nothing but treble.
Dad: No, sorry, I have the runs today
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.
But they're a solid number 2
