My house is a smart house because it has a bathroom

Because it has an IP address.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Incognitj0e
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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My Grandpa got me, and I got my friend

So, a little story Alright, so I'd say I was in about 6th or 7th grade. One day my Grandpa (Pop) and I are driving down the road, for some irrelevant time story amount of time. We end up down some country road that passes a bunch of cattle fields, and as we're driving he turns down the radio and he asks "Do you think those cows are very smart?" And I ask why. He responds with "You know, cause they're out standing in the field." That man, let me tell you.

Alright, fast forward to about 3~4 years. My friend and I were driving to another friends house, and we ended up on the same road, with the same cows in the field. Guess what I asked him. And I swear on my Grandfather's grave, my friend stopped his car, and asked me to get out.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anndrew_j_scott
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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The chicken who?

My daughter just text'd me this:

Smart Ass "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Gullible Loser "Why?"

SA "To get to the idiot's house."

GL "heh, that was horrible".

Fast forward 5 minutes

SA "Knock Knock"

GL "Who's there"

SA "The chicken"

GL "The chicken who....wait, I see what's coming".

She is so getting flogged when I get home!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/igloofu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out

Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)

Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up! Step daughter: it's a smart fridge Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.

Groans where heard throughout the house

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraferma
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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Dadjoked My Mom

Mom texts me that my brother is on his way to town and I need to "pick up the house."

I tell her it's too heavy. She calls me a smart ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3DPK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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