Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?
It has the thickest bark.
Mom: what's your favorite sauce?
Me: I like fire sauce.
Dad: I like the green sauce.
Me: Really? The green sauce? Why?
Dad: Because it's... Verde verde good.
Me: god dammit
Mom: Hahahahaha! That was a good one!
Dad: Hey! No cussing! Now do the dishes!
I'm 23.....
I did the dishes.
My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.
dadgummit!
You say to your toothless father.
Click the link to check out the boobies on these cards. (SFW)
http://imgur.com/WO1b2r2
After a long and grueling day with our 2-year-old son mastering the art of the tantrum, my wife and I finally hit the hay.
Me: "Ahhh, bed."
Wife: "It's the beddiest bed in the world."
Me: "I couldn't have said it any bedder myself."
- First dadjoke post for me, be gentle. :)
SFW: https://imgur.com/Yg6JRDJ
My dad and I were arguing whether we were gonna watch American Sniper or Into the Woods. I wanted to watch the former while he wanted to watch Into the Woods.
Eventually, he started to say how Into the Woods was a better musical than what I wanted to watch. I was kinda confused and then he just said,
"How is it not a musical if it's full of violins? Ahe..he..he"
And he smirked and chuckled to himself and I am so mad right now
*walking down the line asking everyone their name.
And whats you name?
"Lauda"
WHATS YOUR NAME?
Because he is a tea totaller.
You hit it with an itheberg.
Urson.
I was doing some accounting homework when...
Me: What is the acid test ratio?
Dad: States what the acid test ratio is.
Me: Thanks, I should have known that.
Dad: it's okay it's not basic knowledge.
