How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant? (SFW don't worry)

Put them in water. If one floats, it's (a) boyant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LocoEva-7139
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Yall make fun of dad jokes. But they are the only sfw jokes around.

Seriously the workplace is becoming dangerous. One wrong joke and your HR dpt will hate you. Dad jokes are innocuous, very safe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Truly-Spooky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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SFW Pron Theme Music

Dad: What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow?

Son: I don’t know. What?

Dad: [cheap 70’s Pron theme music] BrownchickenBROWNcow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1st10Amendments
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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SFW
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasurica
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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[SFW] Take a look at that camel toe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thottprocess
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Dad jokes meet dog jokes [SFW]

Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?

It has the thickest bark.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patuarealdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robotspeaks
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
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HA his girl doesn't like dick pics! [SFW] imgur.com/gallery/9CafIyd…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0useRatFan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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We were eating tacos...[SFW]

Mom: what's your favorite sauce?

Me: I like fire sauce.

Dad: I like the green sauce.

Me: Really? The green sauce? Why?

Dad: Because it's... Verde verde good.

Me: god dammit

Mom: Hahahahaha! That was a good one!

Dad: Hey! No cussing! Now do the dishes!

I'm 23.....

I did the dishes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beef-Chief
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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Dad joke about horse bondage (sfw)

My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShortTemperedGeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Curses! sfw

dadgummit!

You say to your toothless father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuxedo_Muffin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2016
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I was going through these cards and found a great pair of boobies (SFW)

Click the link to check out the boobies on these cards. (SFW)

http://imgur.com/WO1b2r2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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A quickie [dadjoke] in bed. (SFW)

After a long and grueling day with our 2-year-old son mastering the art of the tantrum, my wife and I finally hit the hay.

Me: "Ahhh, bed."

Wife: "It's the beddiest bed in the world."

Me: "I couldn't have said it any bedder myself."

  • First dadjoke post for me, be gentle. :)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/everymanDan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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What animal has the biggest boobs?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rapper_Tim30
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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My dad being a dad while playing Cards Against Humanity

SFW: https://imgur.com/Yg6JRDJ

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fatkin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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american sniper is a musical

My dad and I were arguing whether we were gonna watch American Sniper or Into the Woods. I wanted to watch the former while he wanted to watch Into the Woods.

Eventually, he started to say how Into the Woods was a better musical than what I wanted to watch. I was kinda confused and then he just said,

"How is it not a musical if it's full of violins? Ahe..he..he"

And he smirked and chuckled to himself and I am so mad right now

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfanta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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Just realized I dad joked the foreign exchange student the first day of track practice.

*walking down the line asking everyone their name.

And whats you name?

"Lauda"

WHATS YOUR NAME?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodLuckLetsFuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Why can't the guy who does inventory for Lipton go out and have a beer after work?

Because he is a tea totaller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smashbro713
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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How do you think the unthinkable?

You hit it with an itheberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boj3143
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
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What crime was the fire-starting bear charged with?

Urson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crassigyrinus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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Dad helped with accounting homework

I was doing some accounting homework when...

Me: What is the acid test ratio?

Dad: States what the acid test ratio is.

Me: Thanks, I should have known that.

Dad: it's okay it's not basic knowledge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RescueDolphin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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Picture of my dick
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_leg_day
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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