The sign said to tip my server

So I did. And she fell over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dondegroovily
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2022
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Don’t forget to tip your server
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanchofromAZ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Server - "Are you allergic to almonds?"

I hope nut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pnwWaiter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2022
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They’re demoting me from food server to host starting Monday.

I can’t wait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...

They just didn't give a fork...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.

After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.

I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Went to a local fish camp and the server wrote this on our to go box
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thestrawthatstirs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.

It was out last resort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Looking for Minecraft-based puns for a server name. Anything to do with mining, blocks, or any feature of Minecraft helps!

A friend of mine started a server recently and we're trying to brainstorm ideas for names for our server. Puns are always the right way to go. As long as it's not taken already and the .com or .org is available, anything is fair game! Thanks in advance. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terminavelocity
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
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My old man used to think he was hilarious at the McDonald’s drive thru when the server asked, β€˜Any condiments?’

He always responded, β€˜Compliments? You look very nice today!’

(Yes probably a repost)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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How to make a Teamspeak server groan

One evening, I was on Teamspeak talking with a few people I know; one of them being a German guy called Willi.

He's gone away from the keyboard for a few minutes and someone asks where he is. A friend of his jokes that he's probably jerking off to porn.

To which I replied "Are you trying to tell me he's playing with his Willi?"

Cue groans from the entire channel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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Tipping your servers is always the right thing to do.

Unless you work in the IT department.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myverypunnydad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2022
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I'm a line cook and looking for a way to get in on some of the extra cash that servers earn.

Got any tips you can share?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScreaminTom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
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I used to break into secure servers

But now I just can't hack it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stickiler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I was with the family and some friends at the local Japanese steakhouse and the server asked β€œDoes anyone have any allergies?”

I looked at him with a straight face and said β€œPollen”.

The air went outta the room and my wife looked at me like she wanted to kill me. My daughter and son groaned. All our friends just looked at the server like β€œwe’re sorry”. The server looked at me with a grin like β€œjust wait til you find out what I put in your food”.

Arigatou!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ell_Jefe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2023
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The Foundry of Fathers

Are you a dad looking to escape for a little bit and play some games? What about a dad looking for some advice from other dads? What about a dad just looking to share the excitements of being a father?

The Foundry of Fathers is a community founded on the principals of fatherhood, putting the community and the overall importance of fatherhood as it's priority. In time, we are hoping to grow into more than just a discord server and become a public resource to help dads all over the globe, whether it's just general parenting advice, medical advice, mental health, etc. We want the Foundry of Fathers to be your one stop shop for resources and outreach for anything that may come your way when being a parent.

If you're interested in joining us on this wonderful journey we call fatherhood, please feel free to join our Discord server!

https://discord.gg/urJajfGcQM

Welcome home!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justinbeatdown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2023
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Two restaurant servers tried to settle a dispute with a game of tennis

But they could never start as service was not included.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manubfr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Atheist

You know what the situation is if you have an Atheist who has dyslexia and has insomnia?

You get a person who stays up all night trying to figure out if there really is a dog or not.

Thank you… good night… and tip your servers.πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2022
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A guy pulls up to a restaurant in a sports car with an ostrich in the passenger seat (long).

A guy pulls up to a restaurant in a sports car with an ostrich in the passenger seat. He heads inside and sits down at a table with the ostrich. He finishes his meal and it’s time for the check of $31.43.

When the server walks over the guest hands him exactly $31.43 from his pocket. β€œOops, I forgot the tip” he says, and hands the server $6.29 (20%) straight from his pocket without looking.

Server: Uhh thanks for the tip, but how did you… never mind. I gotta ask, what’s the deal with the bird?

Guest: Well, about a year ago I found this magic lamp, and a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes. So of course my first wish was a sports car…

Server: that’s foolish, you could have wished for anything.

Guest: true, that’s why my second wish was a bit more practical. I wished to always have the exact amount of money I need in my pocket.

Server: smart, but again… what’s with the bird?

Guest: (looks over at ostrich) oh her? My 3rd wish was for a chick with long legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RjoTTU-bio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2022
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Snail mail

I visited the bank last week hoping to get finance to start a musical career. The money was approved, but they called me yesterday to tell me their email server was down so they'd have to post my loan...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrows5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2022
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What do you call a chicken from WI?

A Green Bay Pecker.

Good night and don't forget to tip your server.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2022
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Had a terrible dining experience at a French restaurant the other day.

Now, I'm no sophisticate, so it shouldn't surprise you to learn that I can't speak a lick of French. Knowing this would pose some problems at a French restaurant, I made my illiteracy abundantly clear to our server before hand. So I requested him to be a little more patient with our table on account of my being an uncultured oaf.

Straight away, I had difficulties locating the apps on the menu, which, let me add, was entirely in French. Hoping that our server might give me a hand, I asked him if he could point out where I could find the appetisers on the menu. Instead of answering my sincere question, the waiter tapped the menu rather briskly and said, "Order". Slightly taken aback, I replied, "Pardon?". "ORDER", came the brusque reply. Now, I'm not particularly clever in tense situations, so I repeated the question again, hoping for a slightly more helpful answer. For some reason, our waiter took particular offense at this, and went, "ORDERV, ORDERV, READ THE DAMN MENU. WE HAVE OTHER CUSTOMERS TOO, YOU KNOW!". Now, I'm not a particularly prideful person, but even I have some dignity, so we thanked the waiter and excused ourselves.

TLDR; Our rude waiter kept ordering me, an idiot, to order off the menu, instead of telling us where the goddamn appetisers were.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeevesfan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2022
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Welcome to Pasta La Vista, Baby!

An awesome server that combines food with puns to create the perfect recipe for a server! We're still new but we'll grow in thyme and I promise we're a lot of fun!

Don't miss out, give us a chance, the pastabilities are endless here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAS-games
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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I was stuck at a restaurant waiting over an hour for my food.

So I called over the manager to ask them what was the hold-up. They told me "We're so sorry. All of our orders are backed up because our servers are down."

I asked "Have you tried complimenting them?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryV83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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New coffee shop

I walked into the new coffee shop today. I told the server I would like to try the Earth blend. I took a sip and spit it out immediately. The server asked me what was wrong. I informed her it tasted like mud. She said that's because it was fresh ground.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2021
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Every time at the same restaurant....

This actually isn't my dad, but a friend's dad. We've all gone out to eat before, and at this specific restaurant, when you order ribs, they bring you out a bowl of hot water that has a lemon in it with a towelette to clean your hands with. And they always bring it out right before the ribs. Sooooo....every single time, my friend's dad will feign surprise and let out a shocking, "What?? I didn't order lemon soup!!" very loudly. Then he just chuckles to himself.

I think he has done it to every single server multiple times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbubbamac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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A rabbi’s car broke down

He had to walk ten miles north to the nearest town. By the time he arrived he was famished, so he ran to the nearest diner and asked for the quickest meal possible. The server arrives and gives him a plate that was meant for a delivery, the rabbi eats most of the food and after he’s finished he realizes he didn’t know what he ate. Scared, he asks the server β€œIs this pork?” The server says β€œNo, iss lamb.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WavesNVibrations
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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I created a punny discord

So I wanted to learn puns, but I didn't find any good discord server where you could meat with people and practice or learn new puns, so I decided to create such a server where we can all hopefully learn how to pun. If you would like to join here's a link: https://discord.gg/hVBqM7hn9r

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neimit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Attention Punners

I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWESOMEDUDE0614
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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A disgruntled Google Cloud employee asked me for advice on how he could get back at his boss. I told him...

"Don't forget to tip your server."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Dadjoked a new trainee

So I work in a restaurant and one of the duties shared by the servers is marrying ketchups, which is basically just pouring half full ketchups into each other so we don't end up pouring new ketchup on top of old ketchup.

A new server asked me the best way to do this so I took her back to the kitchen, grabbed two bottles of ketchup and proclaimed:

"If anybody knows of any reason why these two ketchups should not be joined in holy condimony, let them speak now, or forever hold their mustard."

She laughed, other servers were unimpressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Only1nDreams
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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The Random Dad Made This For Me

Me: β€œI’m not very hungry. I just want something easy.”

Server: β€œ...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?”

Me: β€œMaybe it does, but that doesn’t help me with my hunger.”

Random Dad across the restaurant: β€œGOOD ONE!”

Credit to @TravisTeeh on Twitter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoubieLou88
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Every time we eat at a restaurant

Dad: So do you go to school around here?

Server: Yeah I go to XY University right down the road. I'm majoring in communications.

Dad: In what?

Server: Communications.

Dad: In what?!

Server: Communications!

Dad: In what?!!

Server: COMMUNICATIONS!

Needless to say he's the only one that really gets a laugh out of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capta1ncool
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
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What state has the smallest soft drinks?

Minnesota.

This is seriously my dads favorite joke to tell servers when we are out. It drives my step mom up the wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananapyro05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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I got dad joked while at work and quickly countered with one of my own.

I'm a server at a restaurant part time, and the other week I was serving a table of around 8 people. I went over to check on them and see if anyone was done so I could clear their plates. They said they weren't done...

Me - Okay I was just checking, I don't want you to think I'm rushin you.

The dad - Yeah I don't think anybody here is Russian.

Me - Yeah but is anyone Finnish?

The whole table busted out laughing. I walked away satisfied and was also left a handsome tip.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atticuskraft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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