How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindeye0505
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway

....that's where most accidents happen

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Every dad stores his jokes in a very secret place...

His dad-a-base.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_se7en_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why does β€œsecretary” start with secret?

Because of all their business affairs

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.

I can't tell you how much this award means to me

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdwinDaPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I’ve secretly converted to Norse Paganism

Shhh...I’m trying to keep it Loki

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Two people agreed to never speak to each other secretly

It was an unspoken agreement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanUHekkinStahp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I Figured out the secret chord that David played!

It's Gsus

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?

Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?

Peter Barker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_love_monkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.

He spilled the beans.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.

He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What's the secret to being Santa Claus?

You either have the gift or you don't.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.

I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What did batman say to robin before they got into the bat mobile?

Robin get in the car.

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlesvonsoup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Which melon is unable to secretly marry?

Can't Elope

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkanine9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak

He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry..... I just told him β€œit needs more thyme in the pan”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addy-a-teddy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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As a secret agent, my kids never know what I got them for Christmas..

I always keep the presents under wraps.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EMOmosie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!

Peter Porker

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What secret society loves to eat pretzels?

The Illumi-Knotty

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobIsMyCableGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Why do secret agents get the best sleep...

Because they’re always undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I secretly don't want 2020 the end..

Because then it'd mean 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shawnshaunseans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I asked my dad if he had any secret talents.

He replied, β€œIf I did, how the hell would I know about them?”

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Do you know the secret Karen?

Everyone knows about Karen's, how they argue with everyone about everything.

Do you know about their lesser known Sister, Sharon. She's every bit as argumentative and angry, because as everyone knows,

Sharon is Karen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadeye4741
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Have you heard about the top secret bakery?

It's on a knead to dough basis

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?

Donald, duck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Secret Files
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president

They used to yell down. Now it's

"Donald duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boreddudemo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.

If only they could see me now.

πŸ‘︎ 374
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H2O_is_Great
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.

It's a Whisky business

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What do you call it when Victoria Secret merges with Smith and Wesson?

Titty Titty Bang Bang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoshizaki78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Why should you never tell military secrets to a duck?

Ducks will always quack under interrogation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pratojr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Your can always trust a walrus to keep your secrets...

His lips are sealed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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My secret dad power is invisibility

Unfortunately, it only works at parties.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Why was the local fly population afraid of the secretive snake charmer?

Because he was Asp-hider

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Hope that job doesn’t suck
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groovemonkeyzero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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If you ever find a house with a family of corn, don’t go snooping through their secret files.

They’re cornfidential

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why can't Melons secretly get married?

They Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....

It goes without saying...

πŸ‘︎ 668
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.

I can't tell you how much this award means to me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked

now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.

I can't tell you how much this award means to me.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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