How did Vikings send secret messages?
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.
Every dad stores his jokes in a very secret place...
Why does “secretary” start with secret?
Because of all their business affairs
I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
I’ve secretly converted to Norse Paganism
Shhh...I’m trying to keep it Loki
Two people agreed to never speak to each other secretly
It was an unspoken agreement.
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
What's the secret to being Santa Claus?
You either have the gift or you don't.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
What did batman say to robin before they got into the bat mobile?
Which melon is unable to secretly marry?
My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak
He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry.....
I just told him “it needs more thyme in the pan”
As a secret agent, my kids never know what I got them for Christmas..
I always keep the presents under wraps.
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
What secret society loves to eat pretzels?
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because they’re always undercover.
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..
Because then it'd mean 2021.
I asked my dad if he had any secret talents.
He replied, “If I did, how the hell would I know about them?”
Do you know the secret Karen?
Everyone knows about Karen's, how they argue with everyone about everything.
Do you know about their lesser known Sister, Sharon. She's every bit as argumentative and angry, because as everyone knows,
Sharon is Karen
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?
The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president
They used to yell down. Now it's
"Donald duck!"
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
What do you call it when Victoria Secret merges with Smith and Wesson?
Why should you never tell military secrets to a duck?
Ducks will always quack under interrogation.
Your can always trust a walrus to keep your secrets...
My secret dad power is invisibility
Unfortunately, it only works at parties.
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
Why was the local fly population afraid of the secretive snake charmer?
Hope that job doesn’t suck
If you ever find a house with a family of corn, don’t go snooping through their secret files.
Why can't Melons secretly get married?
I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....
It goes without saying...
How did Vikings send secret messages?
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award
means to me.
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