A case of bovine intervention.
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
Goal tender.
We can’t just let things like this fly!
now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.
It just makes cents
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
They aren't making them any longer.
Pennywise
A cat on a hot tin woof
Husband: the lion of course!
I keep reading out jokes to my girlfriend as I find them on reddit, so she is too prepared for stupid jokes. I just tried this one, and it definitely didn't work... I should have waited. I only had one shot..
"Hey, why does this house smell like updog?"
"Get off reddit"
I'd save the coffee maker, but I'm not sure it would be worth the whisk.
You clamp the otter-y.
Said this in the ER, got groans from a troop of nurses.
I was thinking of telling my kids that "I have to wait to tell you the greatest dad joke ever" and finally when I have passed my Will shall leave a key to my kids and a safe that opens with the key. They open it and see a 10 pound dumbbell over a piece of paper and on that piece of paper it states "Greatest Dad Joke Ever"
A case of bovine intervention.
