How do you save yourself from starving to death in the desert?

Eat the sand-which-is there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2022
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Would you eat saw dust to save your life?

I woodn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killforthecoke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2022
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15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandondsantos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the doctor who tried to save a patient by injecting donated blood into his bloodstream?

Her efforts were in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KuboS0S
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2022
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They have this network in Mexico you can connect with to save cellular data

Its called Por-que-Fi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_DonOfJustice
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2022
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How do you save a PDF?

first, you wait until its in danger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2022
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A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brystander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What do you call a goalie so embarrassed that he can’t save anything?

Goal tender.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that Boeing is going to start building planes out of cardboard to save money?!

We can’t just let things like this fly!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_post_gibberish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm here to save you...

For I am SUPER CTRL-S πŸ™‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ripinreality
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
When you get a yardstick, be sure to save it.

They aren't making them any longer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugsyboy369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
You should always save your spare change.

It just makes cents

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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If you ever see money jumping off a cliff, don't go after it. Everyone says, it is very hard to save money.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blΓ€nket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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What do you call a clown who likes to save money?

Pennywise

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Rippletin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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[PSA, not joke] Why you shouldn't read out jokes to your SO as you find them. Save them for later.

I keep reading out jokes to my girlfriend as I find them on reddit, so she is too prepared for stupid jokes. I just tried this one, and it definitely didn't work... I should have waited. I only had one shot..

"Hey, why does this house smell like updog?"

"Get off reddit"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieljr1992
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
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Wife: what would you do if a lion was going to attack me and my mother. Who would you save first?

Husband: the lion of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you save an otter's life?

You clamp the otter-y.

Said this in the ER, got groans from a troop of nurses.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report

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