Eat the sand-which-is there.
I woodn't.
Her efforts were in vein.
Its called Por-que-Fi
first, you wait until its in danger.
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
Goal tender.
now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.
We can’t just let things like this fly!
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
They aren't making them any longer.
It just makes cents
Pennywise
I keep reading out jokes to my girlfriend as I find them on reddit, so she is too prepared for stupid jokes. I just tried this one, and it definitely didn't work... I should have waited. I only had one shot..
"Hey, why does this house smell like updog?"
"Get off reddit"
Husband: the lion of course!
You clamp the otter-y.
Said this in the ER, got groans from a troop of nurses.
