A list of puns related to "Running Game"
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
Glรผten tag.
Hope requests are allowed, I have a vampire ( or similar) running an inn, "Bring out your bread" in a tabletop game and I need ideas for food and drinks. Currently I have steak, bloody Mary, Ham Helsing, and Bram Sausages Dracula ( that one didn't really work when I played it)
Any suggestions
Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)
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Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,
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We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but Iโm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, โConstipationโ? Well it doesnโt matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said โNo, doc, itโs dis knee.โ
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donโt cause reactions, after all.
Whatโs the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why canโt you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donโt wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I canโt stop reading books with female protagonists! Iโm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fightโฆ 21.
My friend told me, โPeople who sell meat are disgusting!โ So I said, โYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!โ
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondโฆ ionic bond. โTaken, not shared.โ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santaโs sleigh cost? $0, itโs on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
Iโm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iโm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatโs the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatโs just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit โก"No, thanks. We'll pass."
After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."
He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."
A man walks into a peculiar bar. Thereโs a small man no more than a foot tall playing the piano in the corner, men with horns and many other odd things. He noticed people huddled around a table. He walks up to the bartender and asks โwhatโs going on over there?โ The bartender replies,โ oh itโs a game, if you win a genie will grant you one wishโ. โReally! Can I wish for anything!?โ The Bartender says โyup just be specific and enunciate. Trust meโ โHow do you play!?โ The man asks excitedly โItโs simple if you roll snake eyes you win. Everyone gets one chance and no moreโ The man runs over the the table and waits his turn. Once he gets up to the table he rolls snake eyes, heโs ecstatic. A genie appears over the table and saysโyou get one wishโ The man is jumping up and down in excitement. He can hear the bartender saying something but ignores him and saysโI want a million bucks!โ The genie saysโdoneโ snaps his fingers and disappears. In that moment one million male deer, elk, antelope and other animals fill the bar spilling out into the street. After several minutes the stampede leaves the bar and the man saysโ what was that that wasnโt what I wanted!?โ The bartender says โwhat did I say!? I told you to be specific and enunciate!โ โOooh I see But how did you know that would happenโ the man says โDo you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?โ
I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.
Imagine thereโs a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just โlending the team a handโ by stopping the home run?
Consider the exact opposite situation - the fanโs team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?
Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was โhit by pitchโ?
Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ballโs motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?
Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? Thereโd still be a pitcher on the mound!
If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesnโt swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcherโs dinner?
I run a DnD game and am very bad at puns. Like all good writers, though, I thought of a character name that made me laugh and have decided to build a personality around it.
Basically he's a surfer bro nazi. Militantly chill. He's a villain in the game but will hopefully read as still kinda tempting to party with. The only thing I've been able to come up with that has any promise whatsoever is "Third Reichteous."
Thank you, reddit angels
Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.
This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.
As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.
Hey guys, this might sound too cheesy and I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right subreddit.
Every Saturday I give my SO a printed typography paper that I personally design with a pun of her name on it (her name is Des, I call her Mae so either is good).
Problem is, I can make the designs, but I'm running out of puns. Here's a list of what I've already done:
Des puns:
Hardest
Wordes (Words)
Widest
Uncondesionally (Unconditionally)
DrivES
Dessert
Fades
Des (This)
Holidess (Happy Holidays!)
Desperate
Desision (Decision)
Decades
Desert
Destination
Dress (DrESs)
Despresso (Espresso)
Mae puns:
I'd really appreciate some help if you guys have any puns reserved. Anything will do, really.
Thanks!
EDIT: Formatting
I'm currently running my players through a D&D adventure titled "Curse of Strahd".
Last session, my players found a journal revealing details about the main villain, Count Strahd Von Zarovich. When they acquired it, I passed the adventure book over--opened up to an illustration depicting the journal's pages--and one of the players proceeded to read. After struggling for a bit, he said, "I'm having a tough time reading this cause it's so cursive."
Yes," I responded. "It's the cursive Strahd."
I had that one chambered and ready for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.
What my players don't know is that I'm also going to include a few other bits of flavor for my them to find as they progress through the game:
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโt chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? โMy Fare, Ladyโ.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physicianโs garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
โWhatโs purple and 5000 miles long?โ โOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ
Every calendarโs days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โFour bucks,โ says the bartender. โPut it on my bill.โ
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโs a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle canโt stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit โกMy niece is 10 and she likes to watch me play video games. I usually get her with the dad jokes but last night while I was running from the cops in GTA she said "Why don't you just give yourself up?" so I decided to be cheesy and I told her "Because I'm above the law" and she looks at me with a puzzled look and said "You may be tall, but you're not THAT tall".
I was running late to my kid's soccer game, so I started to jog. Then I borrowed my brother's bicycle, but I still wasn't going fast enough. So I smashed the window of a fancy SUV, hot-wired it, and slammed down on the gas pedal. Well, that Escaladed quickly.
I was watching my friend's softball game last night, sitting with his wife as their two twin 4-ish-year-old daughters ran around. One of them was intent on finding the crickets that were chirping all night. Finally she runs up to us and says "I hear the crickets over there. I'm going to go look for them!"
As she runs off I say "Watch, all she'll find over there is a bad comedian."
Forgive me, it's a problem.
Paul Ryan is running for president. But after this, he'll be Paul Cryan.
His favorite color is Paul Cyan
He is Paul Tryan to become president
This post will make him Paul Diean
He read history about the Paul Mayan
On a plane, he is Paul Flyan
In Russia, he is Paul Spyan
He goes to the Maul Ryan
To go Paul Buyan
His favorite spice is Paul Cayenne
When he stares, heis Paul Eyean
For breakfast, he is Paul Fryan
On stilts, he is Paul Giant
When in trouble, he starts Paul Liean
When he watches memes, he is Lol Ryan.
His favorite is Paul Nyan
For dessert, he has Paul Piean
At this point, Im Paul Sighan
When he has rope, he is Paul Tiean
When curious, he is Paul Whyan
Or Paul Pryan
His new game is Ball Ryan
On the phone, he is Call Ryan
His daughter plays with Doll Ryan
When he trips, he is Fall Ryan
His house is the Ryan Hall
Again on stilts, he is Tall Ryan
His house has a Wall Ryan
Down south, you are Yall Ryan
When he makes bread, it is Paul Rysan
On a horse, he is Paul Ridan
In a fight, he is Brawl Ryan
When he loses he is Crawl Ryan
Or dead
When moving he uses a U-Haul Ryan
In the bathroom, he is Stall Ryan
I had a list with A LOT more. Help in diese comments!
EDIT: If he wins the election, he's Mr. President
Me: "Hey, you know the engine that this game runs on right?"
Him: "Yeah Frostbite. Why?"
Me: "Then should we play on Hoth to really showcase the engine?"
He proceeded to set the controller down and walked out of the room.
So I never really had a father figure nor Have I ever met my dad but this was something a friend said to me that definitely would be a dad joke. Happened on LoL
Friend: Hey
Me: Sup
Friend: Nm, want to play a couple games?
Me: Uh, Give me like 20-30 minutes got to run up to the store.
Friend: Alright, you can walk though.
Me: -_- Thanks Dad!
We were watching the England Italy game and Raheem Stirling made a good run to the box, the commentator then says "great effort by Stirling there" to which my dad responded "shouldn't that be a Sterling effort?"
My whole family is very, very white.
So my brother and I are at an NHL hockey game. I forget who was playing. My brother and I had gone to get some snacks are where trying to get my dads attention. We called his name, we waved, we screamed, we screeched, and nothing would get his attention. Finally we determined that we get his attention by calling the pet name he used for us when we were getting into mischief.
... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... COTTONPICKER!!!
At that moment 3 huge black guys turned around. I wondered for a second why they looked like they wanted to murder us. I had never actually parsed the word cottonpicker before; but in the second second I did. Took till the third second until I realized the rascist connotations of that term, and why 3 huge black guys might have some ill will towards us for screaming it so flippantly. I can only imagine how my 13 year old eyes looked as I processed this information. By the forth second I had grabbed my brother and we were running. We didn't stop for 10 minutes. We couldn't go back to our seats for the whole game since these guys were sitting right behind us.
After the game I let my father know how pissed at him I was.
TLDR: Dads don't have rascist pet names for your kids; you may get them killed.
So I was playing DayZ while my dad was watching (for those that don't know, there is ALOT of walking in this game).
Dad: It seems like all you do is walk. Me: Ya, and I never run into anyone. Dad: Who knows, you might run into Chris. Me: ?? Dad: Ya, Christopher Walken!
-_-
I recently went with a bunch of friends to see a hockey game at the University of Michigan. If you don't know, everyone who goes to that school is obsessed with their fight song which is titled "Hail to the Victors".
Anyway, we get outside the arena and then a torrential downpour starts. Our group runs underneath a bus stop awning thing to wait out the storm.
Then loud cracks start to be heard. Frozen rain has started to fall everywhere.
We look around at each other.
"Hey guys..." I say.
Everyone tenses up. I see the disappointment on their faces. They know what is about to come out of my mouth.
"Hail to the Victors!"
I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...
I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...
"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"
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