The Killer Ohms are attacking us!

WE MUST MAKE A RESISTANCE!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/avandoorslaer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to take a nap

Is he resisting arrest?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AgamGamez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to stay awake last night, or as I call it...

Resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?

He was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
"Hey Dad, Go to Sleep!"

No son, I'm resisting-a-rest.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThinnerLocket325
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So the police locked up a toddler the other day

Turns out he was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bowlingForRamen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.

It was the pizza de resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaelTadh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
With great power comes...

...a lot of work over a short time.

Probably not Watt you expected, right? I currently currently feel a little resistance to this joke.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_goldn_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
They jailed the insomniac again...

He was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The police asked me why i was carrying so many pillows

I told them i was resisting a rest.

Credit to u/tooshiftyforyou

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheese_Boi20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Officer: Sir, why are you carrying pillows?

Because I’m resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redrocketinn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I write a letter, I always add a footnote explaining Ohm’s Law.

It’s my P.S. de resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?

Mine's always resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I sent my daughter to prison because she didn't want to sleep

She was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/egasz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
(For Star Trek dads) Locutus of Borg redid his kitchen floor. A bit of it didn't come up easily, though...

The resistance was a few tiles.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Many people protested the shutdown.

But soon, the resistance died out.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikePiezez
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was recently arrested due to my insomnia

I was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the three year old arrested for refusing to take a nap?

He was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seausi
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My husband said the baby hadn't slept AT ALL when I was gone, which is abnormal.

I told him, "the baby...is resisting a-rest."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGovsGirl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What crime did they charge the insomniac with?

Resisting A Rest

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VagariTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
You can have criminal charges filed against you if you don't take enough naps.

You'll be indicted with resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ass-with-class
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who hates the Progressive spokeswoman?

Viscosity, because they’re resistant to Flo

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bellicose_buddha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!

Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child is refusing to go to bed

Are they resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The Police Showed Up When My Son Refused to Take a Nap

They charged him with resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforclock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.

I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ROLO_V13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son refused to go to sleep

I told him he was guilty of resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titusdecker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 315
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EnUddaGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time.

Are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the baby go to jail?

Because he was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolEndgameSucks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t want to take a nap

I’m resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rFireforce
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...

Are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProGamer14719
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the child arrest for not taking a nap?

He was guilty of resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aplay1
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The Killer Ohms are attacking us!

WE MUST MAKE A RESISTANCE!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AeliosZero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If my kid refuses to sleep when it’s nap time,

Does that mean he’s guilty for resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1Random_Redditor1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child is refusing to take their nap or go to bed... can I call the cops on them?

Technically they are resisting a rest!

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilWebMistress
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to call the cops on my son for refusing to take a nap.

He resisted a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If my child won't go to bed, I'll have him put in jail.

For resisting A Rest

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alunde05ps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If your toddler is refusing to take a nap…

Are they resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agaconn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The hardest thing since we got the bunk bed (that was made in Hong Kong) is getting our kids used to it.

Both of them have been resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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