A very progressive pun thread reddit.com/r/technology/c…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdshephe88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2009
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What do you call a progressive superhero that specializes in cleaning?

Libman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPeneMcgundy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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My optometrist told me I needed progressive lenses.

I wasn't sure I was ready for that, so I asked her if I could start with amateur-gressive lenses first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soothsayer___
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What do you call someone who hates the Progressive spokeswoman?

Viscosity, because they’re resistant to Flo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bellicose_buddha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?

It's Flo Rida

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wuellig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Progressive rock fans probably hate today.

Because it's 4/4.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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What did the Progressive ad say about the winter weather?

That's Snow Joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2piix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Best name for a progressive coffee shop?

Stay Woke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/merphy90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Isreali Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has lately fallen out of popularity with the public. He looks set to be suceeded by the progressive Benjamin Netangoogle.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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I used to be the drummer in a progressive 80s rock band called 'prevention'

We were better than The Cure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gross04
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2017
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"Progressives" are just apologists for Playstation 2 loading screens.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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What do men with thinning hair call their hair regrowth progress?

Ro-gains

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoRiver6543
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2021
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Did you know that the bipartisan infrastructure bill will literally pave the road to progress?

In fact, the key reason is to make it much easier for an omnibus to pass !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymuscular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2021
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How does a lumberjack keep track of his daily progress? He keeps a logbook
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aistan83
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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A local Amish told me he wasn't against progress

As long as it doesn't involve change

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Criminal justice has progressed

When a thief is caught today, it’s not like the olden days. Now, you get a mugshot and housed in a jail cell. Then, they were just drawn and quartered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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If Pro is the opposite of Con, what is the opposite of progress?

And don't forget constitution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.

He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....

Sofa sew good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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My booty shaking skills are slowly coming along.

It's a twerk in progress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rightsaidfredward
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2021
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These days everyone seems to be going for progressiveness until it comes to something they really care about.

& hence I don't care 'bout anything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Droyk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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I can't believe my FitBit still shows no progress...

How much more jogging my memory must I do?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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The teacher asked the student about the progress on the Microsoft Office course.

The student responded: 'thank you for asking, i'm doing excellent.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/burt_tts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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So Covid and homeschool overwhelmed, I need to schedule a reminder to drain their Mac & Cheese.

I had to create a Google Colander entry to remind me...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thermbug
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?

Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can’t rush the progress.

Chrome wasn’t built in a day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00dw0rk3r
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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What’s COVID-19’s favorite chord progression?

A plague-al cadence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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Breaking news: There's a riot in progress at the Kentucky Derby.

Authorities are saying it's race-related.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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If the opposite of pros are cons, then the opposite of progress is...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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It's hard being a therapist at a leper colony

Your patients can't seem to hold themselves together for that long to make any progress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Murder in progress
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martynzer0star
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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I've been learning to moonwalk during lockdown.

I made some progress initially, but lately it just feels like I'm going backwards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bustershark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Tennis tournament in progress

  What, it's still going on?
  Isn't Wimble-done yet??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tqgibtngo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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If Pro is the opposite of Con, what's the opposite of Progress?

(do I really need to spell this one out?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mystikmike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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The Germans didn’t think the Allies would make so much progress in WWII.

They did Nazi that coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/planemanx15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Sea Captain

A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.

He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.

((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I'm pretty far on the left politically but I'm not involved in any activism

I'm passive progressive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sycliantableigit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Not sure if that's a pun or a play on words

Present progressive: It is nothing Present simple: It noth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Symon_Pude
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Isn't the opposite of progress.. congress?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i3loke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EcksMarksDespot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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What's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/and69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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Is pro is the opposite of con, what’s the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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