My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
My contact lenses have been dry on my eyes when I put them in. I discovered a liquid to prevent it!
Today, Friday, February 19th, is National Prevent Plagiarism Day
As a tribute, Reddit r/Jokes will be quarantined for 24 hours.
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet....
As a reward for preventing the ship from running aground
they gave him a hearty "Atta buoy!"
If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal....
Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
Be like Santa Claus and prevent the spread of Covid
I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
It’s called Thai Food Mary
I was in an 80's band called the prevention
We were better than the cure.
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
What can you use to prevent stepping on your cat all the time?
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
Today, I was accosted by an angry Monk brandishing a bouquet.
Remember, only YOU can prevent Florist Friars.
What has wheels and prevents water rings
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Lots of violence could have been prevented in the Old West.
If only the cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone else.
A new precaution has been implemented to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.
All TCP communications will be converted to UDP to avoid handshakes.
Why did your mom allow you to be exposed to preventable illnesses?
Because they're not Karen for you
Did you hear about the new boxer with a disability that prevents him from lifting his arms past his waist?
All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.
It’s easy to prevent women from eating tide pods
But it’s harder to deter gents
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting in your eyes but when I do have something in my eye, it's always an eyelash.
At least it tells you what it prevents
My religion prevents me from throwing out old clothing.
We have been called to be holy.
My uncle is convinced that his wife prevents flakey scalp in the hair
I have a rare condition that prevents me from putting on foundation, mascara, eyeliner, etc.
No really, you can’t make this up.
Excess weight could soon be Canada’s second leading preventable cause of cancer, report says
My coworker has to drink alkaline water to prevent IC flare-ups—the higher the pH the better.
The Mars rovers have to be sterile before being sent to the planet to prevent cross contamination. Just one germ and they must clean the spaceship again...
The whole mission must be scrubbed.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. “13?”, the scientist asks, “I wanted a dozen!”
The lab clerk says “I thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
To prevent your gyro meat from drying out, criticize it harshly while cooking.
Give it a good lamb basting.
Only you can prevent Florist Friars.
Do prison guards use proactive to prevent breakouts?
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
What do British spies use to prevent athlete's foot?
How do you prevent a fish from smelling bad?
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
I was in a band in the 80s called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal...
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