If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are expected to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
My girlfriend said, “I’m sick of it. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!”
I said, “But wait, I can change!”
I was in church the other day and the vicar was pointing his finger going "Pew, pew, pew". I asked him if he was pretending to fire a laser pistol or something...
He said "Nope, just counting the seats".
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
My son asked me today what déjà vu meant as some bet. I pretended I didn't hear him to make him ask me again so I could teach him.
So he yelled, "Hey - ya new tent has come I bet!" as he ran to the door
Whenever my sprinter friend runs a race, he leans over and pretends to vomit
6 pretends to be afraid of 7. When really 9, 8, 10.
So today I fell asleep on the toilet and my two sons love to pretend they are cowboys they saw I was asleep and they put something on my head
When I woke up I realized that there was a bounty on my head
My girlfriend was up until 2am pretending to be absorbent cloth
I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
I pretended to throw a ball for my plecostomus, and he chased after it.
My 4yo daughter was playing ice cream shop, pretending that little pieces of chalk were the ice cream flavors. She asked me what flavor I wanted
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
My jackass husband just hit me with this one. Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
My neighbor kept running across my lawn and then pretends to get blown up by explosives.
I’m tired of his mine games.
Sometimes I pretend to steal things
How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
Me (calling out): Hey kid! Pretend to be a cat!
What do you call three cats standing on top of each other, wearing a trench coat, pretending to be human?
reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
My dad told me to stop pretending to be a farm animal
He was sick of me horsing around
Asked my two year old son if he could pretend to be a horse
Dad Tells Time With His Hat
My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.
He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.
And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.
My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.
What do you call three cats standing on top of each other, wearing a trench coat, pretending to be human?
While making lunch today I was pretending to be on a cooking show
"First we take the tortilla and lay it out. Then we add the sliced meat, and veggies, dressing it with the red sauce by Franks. Add the cheese and fold it in on itself".....
"Ok, that's a Wrap"
My wife told me I had to stop pretending to be butter.
But I can't stop now! I'm on a roll!
My wife told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
My grandma used to pretend she was weaving rugs when she had to think. When she died, she passed the talent to my children.
It's a cherished air-loom in my family.
Physical dad jokes
- Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
- Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
- Intentionally missing a high five.
- Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
- Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.
What else have you got?
What does Pikachu say when he's pretending to be a ghost...?
What did Avril Lavigne say when her escort ended up being an undercover cop?
All this time you were pretending? So much for my happy ending.
My wife bought me a two-legged table. I pretended to like it.
But the truth is, I can't stand it.
What do you call a person who pretends to be a college student?
I hired a babysitter the other day who pretends to be an owl
Called her a hootin' nanny
When my friend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo I had to put my foot down
Her: Did you just pretend to like romantic comedies when we were dating?
Me: Yes. I don’t love Love Actually actually.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction
If the Queen of England farts during dinner, the rest of the guests must pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear...
She asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”
In my best bear voice, I replied, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
Learning to be a bartender is pretending.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said, "No, wait! I can change."
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