I only added a few toppings on my pizza

There wasn’t mushroom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firstcruiser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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What's a dog's favorite pizza topping?

Pupperoni..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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What's a Russian Emperor's favorite pizza topping?

Tsardines

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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What’s a dog’s favourite pizza topping?

Pupper-oni

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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What's the most dishonorable pizza topping?

It is the pepperōnin.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vundebar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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While teaching a new server about pizza topping options

"...and of course you know why you have to bake jalapeΓ±o" "No why?" "Because it's a little chilly" "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Getpucked
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, occasionally has 12 letters, always has 6 letters, and never has 5 letters.

But nothing tops a cheese pizza.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAnIdea3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My daughter asked if she could grate extra cheese on top of my pizza.

Parmesan granted.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfsnare24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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What type of pizza has a single slice of pepperoni on the top of it?

Pepperlonely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I'm posting this pizza base, bet you can't top that imgur.com/gallery/CMHv6Hh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskadudeguy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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We ordered Pizza tonight. My son asked "Dad, will the Pizza be long?" I said, " No it'll probably be round."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darcys_beard
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My dad had to sing his joke to make sure we got it. Yeah, we got it the first time you said it.

(My sister preparing a pizza for dinner)

Sister: "There are almost no toppings on this pizza, It's just a base."

Dad: "Really? all about the base?"

Me: Yeah, she said there are no toppings on it.

Dad: "It's all about that base, about the base no toppings!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Man_Red
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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Dadjoked a worker last night

Was closing with someone at this pizza place I work. She was grabbing beef to fill up pizza toppings when I said something that made her smack me with it. This prompted me to ask if she had beef with me. She groaned and laughed a little, I think I'll do alright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fukcboi
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
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A dad joke that happened at Bonnaroo this year.

A group of friends and I have gone to Bonnaroo (a music festival, for those who aren't aware) the past two years. this year, my friends dad decided to tag along with us, and he is one of those dads who is chill as hell and doesn't really care about the obvious drug use that occurs at festivals. while we were all hanging out at our campsite, a guy approached our campground and asked "hey, do any of you guys want some mushrooms?" my friend's dad, who was fully aware what shrooms are, was the first to respond, saying "nah, mushrooms are my least favorite pizza topping." the guy just kind of blankly stared for a second, then walked away as we all laughed/groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbagtrett
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Godfather dad Joke

My buddy and I brought in pizza from Godfather's Pizza this past weekend. We walked into his cluttered studio apartment with the pizza and some beers and I looked around for a place to put the pie.

His kitchen table had no room; neither did his coffee table. When I asked him where I should put it he told me just to set it down on top of his bed while we made space.

"Are you sure you want me to put it there?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"You want me to put the pizza on this - the duvet of my daughter's bedding?"

I could hear Brando groaning from beyond the grave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goontownpopyou
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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On Getting Pizza Delivered

I deliver pizza for a living and I showed up at the door, as is my wont, with one hand holding the pizza bag and the other holding the receipt. On opening the door, I greeted the pater familia and told him the amount I was owed. He gave me the money and I handed him the receipt so I could free up my hands to pull the pizza out of the bag, saying offhandedly, "Here you go," indicating the receipt. The patriarch then looked at the menu bemusedly and remarked, "Hmm, seems a little light." It took me a little to figure out the joke was supposed to be that he thought the menu accompanying the receipt was the entire delivery.

On noticing my delayed reaction, the daughter of the house proceeded to put her hand to her face in a manner not unlike our dear Snoo at the top of this page. I've been delivering for two years now--that was easily the lamest, most Dad-like joke I have ever come across.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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nothing tops a plain pizza
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__ch4nc3__
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lumikue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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nothing tops a plain pizza
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CowSensei
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StupidDonkeyFace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan-Quixote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/opethlike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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