Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
I took 2 aspirin pills yesterday and I ran away from my kids
Because I read the label and it said to keep away form children
My cat got sick, so I had to give it some pills. To make my life easier, I wrapped it up in ham.
When it couldn’t run away I could jam the pills in no problem.
On my pill bottle it says, "Take I pill daily and keep away from children."
Why!! What happens to children after I've taken my pill ?
Which tenor took his sugar pills every Sunday?
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
I just took a pill that makes you defy gravity
I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.
I didn’t realize they were pane killers.
A lad asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled L.S.D.?"
Granny replied, "Never mind the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"
I accidentally swallowed the cat’s pill.
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
Pills for the bull
I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
Whoever stole my anti depressant pill
I hope your fucking happy
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Someone broke into my house and stole my anti depression pills
What does an annoying pepper do?
Guy takes a pill
He says "that's good shit"
Buddy says "that's an oxy, moron"
My doctor recently prescribed me some anti-gravity pills for my depression.
They have been extremely up lifting.
My Dr said I have to take these pills the rest of my life.
I said but the box says enough for 2 weeks?
The dr said.. that’s right.
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
My wife told me she was sick and was going to take some cold pills
I asked her if she wanted me to warm them up first
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.
I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
Wife: here’s some pills, they’re vitamins, you’ll feel better when you take them.
Me: {takes pills}
Also me: I don’t feel any better.
Wife: {rolls her eyes}
PS: this happened at dinner tonight
I want to create a birth control pill that you take just before sex. The pill could even be mint flavored.
I’ll call them pre dick a-mints
I ran out of anxiety pills...
But I'm kinda scared to tell anyone.
They've been experimenting with adding rodent DNA to pet medication.
After all, what cat wouldn't want to take his pills if they tasted really mice?
Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?
The Doctor only gave him 4!...
Found below an image of estrogen pills. Wow.
Men, Science has developed a morning after pill for us, for any potential unplanned babies.
It instantly changes your blood type ...
My friend developed a pill that gives you amnesia, and I was stupid enough to take it.
I don’t know what I was thinking.
They're developing a pill for premature ejaculation.
It's not out yet, but it's coming soon.
Eating a cyanide pill is the last thing I'd do.
I need some anti-depresso pills after this one
What do you call a broke pill popper?
My daughter dropped her pill and it landed on my foot
I said "don't worry hun, you're a foot closer to taking it"
I was up all night crying instead of sleeping. It seems I took a weeping pill by accident.
I had a strange dream that a pill turned me into a cat.
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.
"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
My dad was told that he could no longer eat solid foods.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
Gave my friend a fake pill to help alleviate pain
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
Yesterday someone hit me with a bottle of Omega-3 pills
Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me.
Luckily my injury’s were only super fish oil.
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