Petrified Puns

And I grew strong and I learned a schoolless day is just so long. Go on now, go, walk out the door, please go to school now. 'Cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one, who each school day said goodbye? But now I think I'll crumble? And I'll lay down and die? Oh, no, not I, I will survive Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.

Because they're scared they'll get cut down

Moofossil.

I showed my dad some petrified wood, his response was "that's funny, it doesn't look that scared to me"

Gorgonzoloft

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.

http://i.imgur.com/A5XahdJ.jpg

I showed her the post of the front page of the petrified opal tree trunks and without skipping a beat she said, “ gosh, I wonder what they are so scared of?” Took me a minute to realize. She got me good.

He was petrified

... he was a petrified florist.

I thought I had found it, but it was a fossil arm. Then upon searching the site further, I found a petrified sausage. It was the missing link.

I was petrified

They were petrified!

... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.

Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."

Me: "Um... OK, sure."

Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"

Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."

Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."

Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"

Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."

ಠ_ಠ

Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.

I was petrified.

So my friend was burning off yard trash (controlled burn...put away your pitchforks reddit) from the lot he recently had cleared during the day. I show up at his place in the evening and we go outside to see how much debris was left. He pokes some of it with a stick and hears a hard glass sound and says, "What the heck is that?!" I lean down to look at it and reply, "I think it's petrified wood....but I have no idea what scared it." He rolled his eyes, and his 16 year old daughter laughed her ass off.

Petrified

At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED

At first I was afraid. I was petrified...

At first I was afraid;

I was petrified